In-laws’ meals are unclean

Dear Amy: I’m not sure how to handle Thanksgiving and Christmas meals at my in-laws’ house.

Last year, right before the meal, I watched my motherin-law’s cat eating on the dining room table. It was hard not to vomit. I noticed the salad dressing had expired years ago.

In addition to all this, she leaves the dog and cat bowls on the same counter as the food being cooked.

Over the years, I’ve found ways to get around eating most meals at the house. I sneak out for errands and run to a fast-food joint.

My wife has spoken to both her parents about this several times. Nothing has changed.

What should I do over the holidays? I don’t want to ruin these meals, but I also don’t think I can sit at the table and eat the food in front of me.

I’m also not sure I want my children eating food that is unsanitary. Your advice? Holiday Hungry

Dear Hungry: 1) Invite the in-laws to stay with you for the holidays. (Yes, I know, they won’t leave their pets at home)

2) You and your family find a nearby Airbnb with a kitchen. You can all hang at the in-laws’ house, but this will take the meal-prep pressure off of them.

3) You and your family announce that you would like to bring much (or all) of the Thanksgiving feast to their house. You can prepare most in advance and perhaps cook only the main dish at their house. Ask your mother-in-law to prepare one of her favorite dishes.

Yes, the prospect of cats on the table is disgusting.

Yes, having pet food bowls on the counter is unappetizing — and encourages them to graze on the counter.

Be gentle, diplomatic and friendly: “We’re going to give you a break this year about cooking meals. We hope you’ll let us do the shopping and cooking.”

Dear Amy: Alcoholism has plagued my ex-husband’s family for generations. My ex’s maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. His aunt has been in and out of rehab.

My ex has been abusing alcohol since he was a teenager.

Since he is now my exhusband, this is not my problem, except for this: My oldest son, “Danny,” just turned 21. My ex-husband gave him a large bottle of wine for his birthday as well as tickets to Las Vegas so they can go drinking together. His grandmother sent “beer pong ” supplies for his 21st birthday.

I am horrified. It’s like they are intentionally trying to induct my son into their long line of alcoholics! I thought about calling them both and yelling at them, but I decided to write to you instead. Horrified

Dear Horrified: You cannot rewrite this family’s DNA code. What you can — and must — do is talk to your son, frankly, about the family history and tendency toward alcoholism. Your son is at a heightened risk for developing alcoholism.

According to a paper published by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (niaaa .nih.gov), genetics seem to determine about half of a person’s risk for developing Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD). Environmental factors supply the other half of the equation. Your son has both strikes against him. Make sure he understands the risks.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@amydickinson .com.