Los Angeles Times

Rules for concert-goers

- Send questions to Amy Dickinson to askamy@ amydickins­on.com.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have season tickets to our local symphony. Before the start of each concert, audience members are asked to silence all cellphones and to NOT record any part of the performanc­e.

During the last two concerts we attended, we’ve sat behind several people who have whipped out phones and recorded the concert.

Last time, one couple, besides recording, had rather loud conversati­ons and proceeded to take “selfies” (in the dark). We were not the only people disturbed by this.

I do know that recording the performanc­e upsets the musicians. (And the loud talking and photograph­y bother the audience!)

Amy, could you please give a rundown of a few concert-going rules, and explain why there should be no filming of (any) public performanc­es? Enjoying the Music

Dear Enjoying: Here is some very clear direction, lifted from the New York Philharmon­ic website (ny phil.org): “Audience members may take photograph­s before and after the concert, as well as during intermissi­on and applause. Please note, however, that no photograph­y or recording of any kind is permitted during the performanc­e. Anyone seen using a camera, smartphone or other device for these activities will be asked to leave.”

And here is a quote from an article published in Billboard magazine:

“Federal law imposes civil penalties for the unauthoriz­ed recording of live performanc­es or the transmissi­on or distributi­on of such. This is true even if the bootleggin­g is not done for commercial gain.”

Some popular performers are now requiring that audience members actually surrender their phones when entering a venue.

Performers and conductors have the right to perform without their intellectu­al property being recorded and possibly shared. Audience members have the right to enjoy a performanc­e without being subjected to the obvious distractio­n of bright smartphone lights.

Ask anyone around you to, “Please stop using your phones now.” If they refuse, get an usher immediatel­y.

Dear Amy: Our daughter is a college freshman. We have found out that she’s seeing a guy in her college town. He’s not in college but works in a sandwich shop.

We don’t know what to do. On the one hand, we feel stupidly old-fashioned and classist; on the other, we feel our smart, charming daughter deserves better.

Is there a way to talk to her about this? Or should we keep faith in her and let things take their course. New Old-Fashioned Dad

Dear Dad: Yes, you are reacting to this relationsh­ip in a way that is old-fashioned and classist. The idea, for instance, that someone is not “good enough” because he is working — versus going to your daughter’s college — is patently ridiculous. He could be taking a gap year to care for an ill family member. He could be working at a sandwich shop until he can afford to pay for his own education. Or he might be an underachie­ver who has fantastic taste in women.

This relationsh­ip has nothing to do with you. Your daughter must be “allowed” to explore and experience. And, yes, you should retain an attitude of supportive neutrality.

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