Friend lives dangerous life
Dear Amy: I recently ended a treasured friendship that I believed would last a lifetime.
We’re both 40 but late bloomers. While I got married and had a baby, she got divorced and bought her first place alone. The first thing she did was begin inviting people she’d met over the internet into her home, dating married men, and seeming to lose all moral boundaries.
At first, I just decided not to bring my daughter to her house. Then she continued to invite strangers to her home. Some of them are admittedly still married, others just admitting to still sleeping with their “separated” wives, and some have asked her to be STD tested (which offended her). She discussed everything in front of my toddler.
I decided that this is not the kind of person that I want to continue a relationship with.
I’ve highlighted her dangerous behavior and she has stated, repeatedly, that she does not worry about herself at all, does not care if she’s harmed, and she does not see how this behavior could affect my family. I cannot continue to give my worries to someone who does not care for herself.
I have explained to her that I no longer want her in our lives. Still, I miss our previous friendship. Have I made the right decision? Former Friend Dear Former Friend: You’ve laid down non-negotiables — about your friend’s morality, no less — and now you are experiencing the consequences of your choice. So is she.
It is natural to miss any relationship that ends, even if you end it. If you had continued to tolerate behavior you consider intolerable and ended the friendship later, you might miss this person a little less.
Your judgments about how your friend is behaving might be prudent and your choice not to involve your young daughter is a sound one, but no one enjoys being judged. She might not miss you as much as you miss her.
Dear Amy: One house on our block, owned by a nice family who has lived there for many years, has fallen into disrepair and is an eyesore, with conditions that could pose issues for the homeowner, such as a collapsing chimney, gutters filled with debris and plant life, piles of debris that could house rodents, etc.
The family is young and athletic with high schoolage children.
Never knowing someone else’s finances, we cannot expect major improvements. But is it too little to expect pride in ownership?
How should neighbors concerned about home values and other quality-of-life issues address this? Behind Closed Blinds
Dear Behind: Your town should have rules regarding property upkeep; research any ordinances to see if they are in violation. Your town’s website will have a phone number you can call to report this unkempt property. A ticket or the threat of a fine might inspire this family to at least clean up the outside of their home.
Church groups, youth groups, or nonprofits like Habitat for Humanity will also help a homeowner with renovations. Neighbors can also help.
It is time-consuming and hard work to take care of a house. But finances don’t necessarily dictate how well a family takes care of their property.
Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to askamy@amydickinson .com.