Is lost love her soul mate?

At age 21, I was in love with “Steve.” We planned a life together but broke up for a bunch of dumb reasons.

We’d see each other every two or three years at gatherings with mutual friends. I did eventually get over him and we both partnered with other people.

I’ve been with “Brad” for almost 12 years. I’ve helped to raise his (now-15-year-old) daughter and we are close, even though when she was 12 Brad and I moved 2,000 miles away. (Now his daughter is planning to move in with us.)

During one trip home, I met up with Steve and his wife one day for lunch. Steve and I reminisced the whole time.

A few days later, Steve told me he has more fun memories with me than with his wife. I feel the same way.

After three weeks of talking and texting just about every night, he confessed he never stopped loving me and wanted to kiss me the day we met for lunch.

I told him I felt the same. I asked why he didn’t break up with his wife and come back to me. We decided that we want to get back together in the near future.

Steve’s wife has no idea that he wants to leave her, but Brad knows about it and he is OK with whatever the outcome is.

I want to be with Steve and know he’s my soul mate but feel bad leaving Brad.

Dear Lost: You and your guy “Brad” are not married. You say you have been honest with him about the rekindling of your attachment to “Steve.” I’m not sure why Brad doesn’t feel betrayed by you, but according to you he is willing (if not happy) to release you from the relationship.

You are consciously and deliberately interfering in someone else’s marriage, and that is unethical. The ethical course is for you to state your truth, and then to tell Steve: “Get in touch with me after you have exited your marriage, and we’ll take it from there.”

There is also a child involved in this drama (Brad’s daughter). If you leave him, you will be leaving her too.

I’ve always believed the whole “soul mate” concept was a stretch, but once you and he are unencumbered by other relationships and commitments, you will be free to test it for yourself.

Dear Amy: I feel like I’m spinning out of control.

I’m four years sober, and the love of my life died a year ago. This will always hurt, and I understand that. I’m in my early 50s.

I’ve been trying to get out and meet people and make friends, but I sense a needy side to myself that I do not like. I know neediness is something that can drive people away. I’ve been an introvert my whole life. I’m not on social media, by choice. The few connections I’ve made are special to me, and I’m in fear of wearing them out (calling too much, or texting). Tell me, what am I getting wrong?

Dear Philip: One way to deal with your (perceived) neediness would be to channel it in ways that don’t overly burden your friends.

I hope you are participating in meetings to support your sobriety. You might consider becoming a sponsor as a way to connect with and help someone else.

Your true friends will understand that your neediness may flare, but friendship should involve a balanced exchange, where both parties’ needs are being met.