Don’t add to the clutter

Dear Amy: My brother and his wife, who live in a distant town, are hoarders. It’s not the gross kind you see on television, just an out-ofcontrol lack of organization comprised of laundry, papers and mostly — TOYS.

My preadolescent nephews have no interest in the hundreds of toys that clutter the house. If they are not at an organized sports event, they are staring at their phone or tablet.

Along every wall are stacked boxes of barely opened or unopened Christmas and birthday gifts.

I cannot bear to add to this clutter, and besides, whatever I got for them would be summarily dismissed. Don’t suggest getting a book; they don’t touch cellulose-based media. Gift certificates would go unused. They eat only a limited array of bland foods, so I can’t send them treats. I can’t be there with them to do things, because they live 800 miles away, limiting interactions to twice a year.

Are they too young to just say, “No more Christmas or birthday gifts?”

Wondering Relative

Dear Wondering: Before declaring “no more gifts” to these younger boys, perhaps you could find ways to recognize these occasions and milestones. Look into opening “custodial accounts” for them and let them know that each birthday you will deposit a set amount into these accounts.

You could tell them you will release their funds on or around their 18th birthdays. They should be allowed some access to see how their accounts are growing, even if they can’t withdraw funds.

It’s important to keep in touch with these boys, through social media, sending them cards and letters, and generally expressing an interest in their lives.

Uncles and aunts have very real opportunities to influence their nephews and nieces, even over a distance. Understand that the emotional investment you make might not earn immediate “interest.” These relationship investments tend to grow slowly over time.

Dear Amy: I manage a small group of employees in a regional office. As the most senior employee, I am the de facto “office boss.”

Recently, I found out that one of my senior female employees (who is married with children) has begun an affair with a junior male employee.

Such relationships are not against company policy, however, the nature of their relationship has certainly changed the office dynamic.

We are a close-knit group who neither endorses nor addresses their relationship, but we are vehemently opposed to infidelity.

A schism has begun to take hold and I am worried that it will have negative effects on the office (as well as the stability of my staffing) should something go wrong.

I have notified our HR department and was advised to monitor and address this, should their work suffer, but beyond that, there is little to do, as the relationship is not against company policy.

How do I navigate this?

Upset

Dear Upset: Follow HR directives and document the impact of this relationship on the employees’ work, as well as the changing dynamic of the rest of your staff. Your disapproval of their choice is immaterial. You should not cover for them, or deliberately reveal them. Deal only with their work.

Ask HR for specific recommendations for communicating with the employees about their behavior.