Her disability not obvious

Dear Amy: When I moved to my new home a few years ago, my neighbor told me that she’d had multiple back surgeries. She is in her mid-50s and does not work.

She does, however, shovel snow from her roof, use a rototiller in her yard, lug mounds of leaves, etc.

It is my understanding that she is on disability.

It is disturbing to be contributing for her welfare via my tax dollars, when it is obvious that she’s able-bodied. She cannot respect boundaries, even after we’ve repeatedly asked her to respect our space. She can be spiteful and has temper tantrums.

I’d like your take. I’ve taken a few photos showing her physical abilities — just in case. Should I bring it to the attention of the Department of Social Security?

I suspect this is a common issue.

Upset Neighbor

Dear Neighbor: Your neighbor’s back surgeries have evidently been successful — hence her impressive physical abilities. You suspect (but don’t know) that she is on disability, but understand that her disability payments might be unrelated to her back surgeries.

The HHS.gov website says you can report disability fraud to the Social Security Administration Office of Inspector General Hotline at (800) 269-0271 or the website oig.ssa.gov (do a keyword search for “fraud, waste, and abuse”).

You could also send a report by mail to Social Security Fraud Hotline, P.O. Box 17785, Baltimore, MD 21235.

The Office of Inspector General encourages people to report suspected fraud, waste and abuse of tax dollars. I assume this office relies on suspicious, spiteful or fed-up neighbors, family members or former colleagues to do so. I don’t see this as a particularly challenging ethical dilemma, but I suggest you do your best to get your facts straight before filing your report.

Dear Amy: An opportunity has arisen, and I’m not sure if I am wrong to want to pursue it — or how to handle it.

My husband and I might have the opportunity to pick up a new job a few hours away from where we live. This would require a move to where we would be closer to friends and family. We’ve talked about this but haven’t committed to relocating yet.

I am nervous about the whole thing but I can’t pin down whether my husband really wants to go or is just placating me with a yes and then hoping I forget about it.

We’ve discussed the pros and cons of this move, and his major worry is starting over at a new job after six years at our current jobs.

While I’m not keen to start a new job, this move is something I’ve been wanting for the past couple of years, and it just seems right to me.

I’m not sure if I should keep bringing it up and don’t know how to approach it.

Adulting Sucks

Dear Adulting: Relocating is challenging, even when it is something you want to do.

One way to “adult” your way through this would be to travel together for a weekend to the proposed new location. Use the drive to go over your pros and cons list, spend time exploring the options, and give your husband room to express himself freely without pushing or prompting. His adult job is to be honest regarding his reactions and concerns.

Ideally, when faced with huge life choices, couples hold hands and make the leap together. But sometimes, one partner is squeezing a little harder.