Birthday party just grew

Dear Amy: I recently hosted a birthday party for my preschooler son.

I invited 20 classmates. Sixteen responded “yes.”

At the party, several of the guests brought older siblings that we had never met. This would not have been an issue if this were a party at home or an outdoor park. However, we were at a trampoline park where you have to pay $20 per participant. Nonparticipants (such as parents) are free.

When we received the bill, it showed we had 27 kids!

I felt it impolite to put on the invitation that only the named guest can participate. Is there a polite way to make sure we're not paying for siblings we don't even know when throwing a party at an amusement center? Tapped Out

Dear Tapped Out: Perhaps the parents who brought these other children assuming that you had a group rate.

I shared your question with Gay Cioffi, director of Little Folks preschool in Washington, D.C., who publishes a newsletter, “Little Folks, Big Questions (little folksbigquestions.com).

Cioffi responds: “I have been a witness to every possible size and shape of birthday party. Everything from keeping the guest number in line with the age of the child: 4 years old equals four guests (I love that), to an extravaganza with 300 people at the Four Seasons Hotel.

“Because you are dealing with families and young children, you need to expect the unexpected, i.e., a “bug” is going around and lots of people don't show up, visiting family members join in, or the birthday child is overwhelmed and cries the whole time (most often).

“I don't think there is a polite way to say you are not paying for siblings. If finances are a concern, next year, plan a smaller gathering with room for growth.”

Dear Amy: My sister and I have disagreed about diet for years: I’m vegan, and she and her spouse eat meat. We love each other, our relations are cordial, and we never argue about her diet. When my spouse and I visit, she cheerfully accommodates us.

Although my central reason for not eating animals is that “they don't like it,” health is also a major concern. Occasionally I send my sister a link with a scientific study pointing out the health-protective benefits of plant-based diets.

With the COVID-19 epidemic, my concern for my dear sister's health is mounting. We are both well past 65 and she has had major health crises in the past.

I would like to send her some links showing that adopting a plant-based diet quickly fosters a healthy microbiome (gut flora) that boosts one's immunity — without putting her off.

Amy, if you would consult some nutritionists and check this out for yourself, and — if you find it convincing — mention it in your column, it might help my sister decide to stop eating animals, at least for the duration of the epidemic.

In fact, knowing there is something we can do to strengthen our immune systems now might help many, especially the elderly, to be less fearful. Fear can do a lot of damage to society. G

Dear G: You seem to have advocated for your point of view, over and over. Your sister has reacted by respecting your dietary choices.

I agree that fear can do a lot of damage. Maybe you should stop trying to scare your sister.