Time to take this seriously

Dear Amy: I live in a small town in Tennessee. I love my wonderful husband, but lately he is being too dramatic about COVID-19. He reminds me five times a day to wash my hands. He also put disinfectant wipes in my car.

I know to wash my hands, and I am not bothered by him putting wipes in my car.

What really bothers me is that he is telling me to sleep in a different room from him! We have been happily married for 16 years and have always slept in the same bed — even when one of us was sick.

He is telling me to wear rubber gloves when I cook meals for us. He’s telling me not to leave the house.

In my opinion, everybody is making too big a deal about COVID-19.

Is he overreacting? Frustrated in Tennessee

Dear Frustrated: You seem to be under-reacting. This could be why your husband is so anxious about your — and his — hygiene and health. Your own attitude and behavior could be influencing an over-correction on his part.

This is from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website (CDC.gov): “The virus is thought to spread mainly from person to person, between people who are in close contact with one another (within about 6 feet).”

As of this writing, the virus has not swept through your region. Perhaps you will get lucky, and it will diminish before it gets to you.

Where I live, people are not leaving their houses. The entire region is locked down.

You have the individual right to be lax, or foolish. You could get lucky and not get this virus. Or you could contract the virus and not have symptoms, so you would never know it.

You don’t have the right to potentially expose other people with impunity.

Do I think you should wear rubber gloves while you prepare dinner? No.

But if your husband was confident that you washed your hands and had washed surfaces you’d touched, he might not freak out quite so much. (He can also make dinner, by the way.)

Bottom line: If you took this more seriously, your husband might feel more comfortable sleeping with you. It’s time for you to dial in to the reality of what is happening. Don’t just react with annoyance to your husband. Talk to him about his anxieties and see if you can approach this as a loving team.

Dear Amy: Many of your readers write in with questions concerning their spouse or siblings without ever revealing anyone’s gender — including their own.

Why do you suppose that is? As a gay man, I waited 23 years to legally marry my husband of two years.

Now married, I can’t imagine referring to him as anything other than my husband. Spouse, partner, significant other, etc., just seem less honest and less concise and like I’m somehow diminishing his importance.

Can you explain this? Proud Husband

Dear Proud: I don’t assign gender to people who write to me unless they make it clear within their question.

Gender isn’t always germane to the issues between couples. Some issues that crop up between couples are somewhat universal, regardless of gender or sexuality.

I suspect that some people deliberately mask their gender in order to hide their identity and create a further shield, protecting their own anonymity and that of other family members. And, of course, I respect that, too.