Why bring kids to parties?

Dear Amy: When I was growing up, I never saw my parents or their friends socialize along with their children. My parents always had friends their own age, and so did the children.

In the last 30 to 40 years, I have watched my siblings, nieces and nephews, and even my friends socializing with their children.

They have even brought young children to parties where there would be a lot of bad behavior going on.

I don’t understand this. Is it because it makes these parents feel younger, or was there some kind of loneliness in their youth?

What could they possibly talk about with these kids, with such an age difference?

Dear Curious: It is safe to say that parents did a lot of things when you were growing up that they don’t do now (my father used to send me to the store on my bike to buy his cigarettes).

When you were growing up, the majority of households had one parent who was more or less a full-time parent. This parent spent a lot of time with the children, and so when there was an opportunity to spend time with adults, the parents hired a babysitter.

A recent (prepandemic) finding from the Bureau of Labor Statistics states that in American households with married parents, both parents are employed in 64% of these families.

Parents now seem to have integrated their children more into their adult lives, and are much more engaged in the lives of their children than were parents in previous generations.

A higher proportion of parents are in single-parent working households now. These parents include their children in adult activities sometimes out of guilt, and sometimes necessity.

Childcare is expensive and hard to come by. Fewer teenagers babysit (perhaps because they are all at cocktail parties with their parents).

Dear Amy: My spouse and I socialize with a group of about 12 people, several times a year.

One person in the group, “Jon,” is quite outspoken on all issues.

We purposely avoid discussing politics, but Jon can overreact regarding social issues and current events.

Jon will assert his opinion, but when someone else brings up an opposing view, Jon gets vocal, sometimes shouting, calling people names, gesticulating and often — and repeatedly — telling others that if they don’t like the way things are right now, they are welcome to leave the country.

He drowns out any opposing conversation. The host and hostess are silent during these episodes.

This situation is extremely unpleasant and ruins the evening because everyone feels extremely uncomfortable.

How do you suggest we handle these events and/or this person? We are considering declining future invitations, even though we enjoy the rest of the group.

Dear Frustrated: One or both of the hosts should step in when this is happening to say, “Jon, you’re a guest here. Please lower your voice, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t insult people at our table.”

Furthermore, if Jon behaves this way at a future group event (and you genuinely believe he has ruined the evening), you should tell him so, either in the moment or afterward, when you can choose your words carefully.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to ask amy@amydickinson.com.