Stop playing date’s game

Dear Amy: I am a widow and have started dating.

I am seeing a man who gets up early to go online. He is always complimenting women online, even telling them that he loves them.

He and I dated before, and I walked away because of his online activities.

He got back in touch, saying he missed me. He asked if we could try again. During the time we were broken up, he went on a couple of dates with another woman. He promised that she would be gone! Nope. He still has her on his Facebook account.

I am not on his Facebook account, and his page still says he is single, even though he tells me we are in a relationship.

I have told him I will not be second to a computer and a bunch of single women.

I got married at 18 and was married for 32 years.

Should I walk away? I’ve told him that I do not think it is right to keep old baggage hanging around because it doesn’t give us a chance to move forward as a couple.

I have had a lot of other men interested in taking me out but I have turned them down because I don’t believe in playing these games.

Please help. I’m thinking of just being alone! Worried Widow

Has it occurred to you that in this scenario, you might be the baggage he’s keeping around?

You had a very long marriage, followed by a huge loss. Surely during your marriage, you learned that you are important. You should be the most important person in your world, certainly much more important than a skeevy guy who can yank you back into his orbit just by asking.

Don’t “move forward as a couple” with this dude. He is showing you exactly who he is. You need to believe him.

You don’t want to play games, so stop playing this one. If you walk away, you will certainly be the winner.

Dear Amy: I am 68 and have been married to a 75year-old alcoholic for 20 years. My husband continues to drink. I am his only friend. He can be a kind thoughtful man, and also a rude and socially inept jerk.

When he is drunk, he is extremely rude to me. All attempts at sobriety are shortlived.

I have left him and then returned. I have seen three attorneys and considered divorce. Each attorney has said I will be substantially worse off financially after a divorce. Our home was bought with assets he gained before marriage, yet he’s entitled to half my saved income from my business.

I have a fairly benign but chronic health-care issue, which is in remission but flares up from time to time.

I go to Al-Anon, which has helped me, as I have built a wonderful life. I also know that alcoholism is a progressive disease and that his drinking and behavior can get much worse.

Do you have any advice for me? Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Dear Waiting: I can’t tell you what choice to make, just as your support system from Al-Anon can’t direct you. Your lawyers can only deliver sound legal advice concerning the financial consequences of divorce.

I will say this: Waiting for the other shoe to drop is pretty much the definition of mental torture. I think it is vital that you have a “safe place” to retreat to if/when things get bad. Your husband has a serious, untreated illness, which unfortunately has a high and negative impact on you.