Hoping for second chance
Dear Amy: I’m a 25-yearold gay man. I’ve dated, but no long-term relationships.
Recently, a Tinder match and I hit it off pretty quickly. We decided to meet, in spite of our coronavirus fears.
He was fantastic: handsome, kind, funny, successful, my age and local. He wasn’t afraid to talk about wanting a family someday, which is important to me.
I usually go out with someone from Tinder only once or twice before one of us decides it won’t work, but this match and I went out five times within a month.
I thought we might have something good going!
After the last time we went out, though, he said he thought we were looking for different things, and while he thinks I’m nice, he didn’t think we were a match.
Now I can’t seem to shake the thought of him. A month isn’t a very long time, but I like him better than I have liked anyone before.
Unwanted messages would only push him further away, but I want so badly to ask for another chance. What’s the etiquette here?
Should I wait a certain amount of time before reaching out again? Or just forget about it? Woefully Inexperienced
Dear Inexperienced: Let’s add COVID to the list of things a person should be tested for when choosing to date a new person. I won’t lecture you on your choice, but it’s a roll of the dice.
Your dating experience is extremely common, and the answer is for you to glean whatever lessons you can, then move on with a determination to apply them next time. One thing you’ve learned is how it feels to be really interested in someone.
It is possible you did everything right and your date was being honest with you about his choice to part. Or perhaps he continued to match with other people while you two were dating and he simply met a person he preferred over you. This is tough to take, but human attraction defies logic.
Your friend has made his choice and he has been kind about conveying it to you.
There is no etiquette surrounding asking for a second chance, partly because you really should not do it (certainly not right away). If you continue to feel this way after several months, you could get in touch to check in and see how he is doing (don’t ask outright for a second chance). Based on his response, you would know if the dynamic had shifted.
I’m a 55-yearold man. After no contact for 13 years, three years ago I reconnected with my ex-wife. We started hanging out, going out and spending time together. Last month, I moved into her house.
This week, she told me she has no interest in sexual intimacy. I’ve been sleeping in a separate room. I care about her but I still need and desire sexual intimacy.
I’m so disappointed and depressed.
I’ve spent over $6,500 on her place since I moved back. I wonder if I’m in savior mode. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life frustrated.
How do I get past this without hurting her and ruining my (great) relationship with our (grown) kids? Worried
Dear Worried: You have happily reconnected with your family, but if you are depressed and unhappy living in the household, you should move out — but stay connected. I hope you have learned that you are capable of maintaining a loving friendship with your ex. You should do this, however, from a distance.