The great hair- dye debate

Dear Amy: With salons closed during the pandemic, I was able to see the true color of my hair for the first time in decades. I love my natural salt- and- pepper color and decided to grow out my hair. I’m very happy with my choice of not putting itchy chemicals on my head and saving time and money.

I joined ( online) groups with women who are also going through this transformation. Ninety- eight percent of the women look better in their real hair color.

Luckily for me, my mate, family and friends are supportive. But the women in these groups and I have all received negative comments, even from strangers. People tell us: “You’re going to look old; you’re letting yourself go; I’ll pay for you to have your hair dyed; no man will ever date you; nobody will hire you” and so forth.

I would never think to criticize someone’s appearance. Don’t people realize how hurtful these comments are? Do they think their negative comments are helpful? Why can’t women be silver foxes like men are?

My Hair, My Choice

Dear My Hair: Yes, women CAN be silver foxes — and silver hair is definitely chic.

When it comes to unsolicited comments about your looks, you have a legitimate beef. But understand that when you join an online group whose sole focus is to commiserate about hair color, you’re going to spend a certain amount of time discussing how people look.

You declare that “98% of women look better in their real hair color,” which is a subjective and superficial value judgment. ( Full disclosure: I’ve dyed my hair, at home, for over 20 years.)

In a perfect world, we’d all be free to make choices about our bodies and clothing without unsolicited comments, but we make these choices to please ourselves ( and, often, others).

You need only decide how to respond. To a stranger: “Umm, do I know you? Why are you sharing your opinion with me?” To a friend/ family member: “I think I look great, and honestly, that’s all that matters to me.”

Dear Amy: My husband and I believe we lost a friend of 30- plus years because of differing opinions about safety in this pandemic.

We were invited to a surprise birthday party for “Barb” at a local restaurant. Before sending my RSVP, I checked with the venue to see how many people might be there and whether it would be inside or outside. Answer: “50 people, inside.”

Nope, not me. We are both over 73 and I have multiple health issues. We have not eaten inside a restaurant since mid- March.

I asked Barb’s sister, who was organizing the party, if they might switch to an outdoor venue. Barb has health issues, and I wondered if a crowded indoor party was her preference.

A week after the party, I heard from another friend that Barb was not speaking to me anymore. Barb texted me one word: “Goodbye.”

I’m not sure what comes next. Any ideas?

Befuddled

Dear Befuddled: I sincerely hope “Barb” didn’t send her cryptic text because she became ill with this disease. You made the right choice.

As of this writing, an indoor wedding in Maine, with 65 guests, has infected 147 people with COVID. Seven have died. This wedding was indoors, with 65 guests.

Respond to Barb: “Your message is very cryptic. Why are you saying ‘ Goodbye?’ ”