Breaking up over politics
Dear Amy: A friend of 35 years recently “broke up” with me via email. It was due to politics, I conclude, although we have never discussed politics in person, by phone or by email.
However, I frequently post my convictions on Facebook. I aim to be civil and to back up my opinions with factual, credible links.
My friend and I never had a dialogue on FB about politics or candidates. Still, out of the blue, she sent me an email: “I don’t like what you put on Facebook and I can’t be friends with you anymore. Have a nice life.” That was it. After 35 years.
I could understand that action if I had pressed my case over lunch or sent links in emails. I never did. I have a couple of relatives/ friends who post on FB extolling their support for the candidate I f ind objectionable, and my choice is just to scroll by and not engage.
My husband says, “You’ve been treated unfairly and poorly, so consider it done and move on.” Still, there’s a deep hurt over this.
Your suggestions?
Hurt
Dear Hurt: You seem to believe that others should use Facebook, and respond to postings, the way you do.
But when you post opinions on Facebook, you are shouting into a megaphone in the town square. Some people may choose to walk by but others will listen, and may object to your positions.
You seem to believe that your friend should only object to your political opinions if you share them personally. That is naive, and somewhat disingenuous. Because you two never discussed politics, it’s possible she simply did not know where you stood — until now.
I agree that it is unfortunate that this friend of many decades has slammed the door on your relationship. Her behavior reveals her own limitations and extreme sensitivities.
I would respond thus: “I am very shocked about your choice to end our friendship. If I have posted something that you found personally offensive, I am truly sorry. I believe our long friendship is worth at least a conversation but you don’t seem open to that. I wish you were.”
Dear Amy: I’m so upset. My youngest daughter is pregnant with her second child. My oldest daughter has planned a baby shower for next month.
I am 63 years old and my spouse is 74.
I am so scared to attend this shower, but I will feel guilty if I don’t.
There are 30 guests invited to this indoor event.
What should I do? This has me totally stressed out.
Mom and Gram
Dear Mom: You would ( and should) expect your daughters to take good care of themselves, correct? You have to take care of yourself too. Taking care of yourself is your first job in life.
If you or your spouse got seriously ill, it would blow a hole through the center of your entire family.
It is a given that you wish you could attend this event safely. You will be sad to miss it. But if you feel guilty with no prompting, that’s on you.
If anyone should feel guilty, it might be the people planning this event. If they are diminishing your very rational concerns or pressuring you to override your concerns in order to attend this shower, then they are being shortsighted and selfish.
More likely, they invited you because they love you and don’t want you to feel left out, but they are waiting for you to regretfully decline.