Shocked by her discovery

Dear Amy: I just found a box of condoms in my husband’s sock drawer. The manufacture date was 2015.

They weren’t for our use because I went through menopause long before that, and we haven’t used condoms in 20 years.

I am fairly sure my husband had an affair 15 years ago, although he always said that “nothing physical happened.” Given the “business trips” that were never paid for by his company, I doubt he was being honest. I also know he can look me in the eye and lie.

I feel sick, lost and helpless right now.

I have been a great wife and mother, and he has never wanted for emotional or physical love. I am not sure where to turn next.

Lost and Alone

Dear Lost and Alone: I’m so sorry you are going through this turmoil. There is no lonelier feeling than losing trust in your partner.

Before you confront your husband with your suspicions, you should research your legal rights and responsibilities ( and perhaps meet with a lawyer), in case you — or he — choose to leave the marriage.

Educating yourself in this way does not mean that you are giving up on the relationship, but it will empower you to face this possibility and give you an idea about your more practical options.

You should assume that he will come up with an explanation or excuse.

When you have this conversation, pay attention to your instincts concerning his behavior. Trust yourself, even if you don’t trust him. Do not take this as a referendum on what kind of person, wife or mother you are — his choices are not your responsibility or your fault.

A couples counselor would help you walk through your feelings and reactions, and could work with you and your husband together, if you and he choose to try.

Dear Amy: About a year ago, my sister and I found a half- sibling on a DNA site.

Although this was quite a shock to the half- sister, I had an opportunity to meet her, and we are starting to develop a nice relationship. Long story short, she is very nice.

My dilemma is how do we tell our mom? I honestly don’t think she would care. Our dad has been deceased for over 35 years.

When we first discovered this connection, my younger sister told our mom that we found someone who looks like a half- sibling. But when we found out that she is only about two weeks older than me, my sister dropped it.

Mom inquired about it again but we told her maybe it was a f luke. She replied that DNA doesn’t lie. She said that when she married my dad, people said he might have another child somewhere, because he had been single for eight years. Any suggestions?

Found Sister

Dear Sister: Your father impregnated two women at around the same time. He married one. You may not know the particulars of your parents’ decision to get married; their relationship might not have been stable and exclusive when your mom got pregnant with you.

It is possible that, on some level, your mother has anticipated this. She has already followed through on your original finding, so your question is really about how to bring up this topic.

The way to have a difficult conversation is to be brave enough to initiate it, and wise and sensitive enough to be patient about its course and outcome.