Irked by partner’s pot use

Dear Amy: My husband of 20 years smokes pot every day, and I hate it.

I’ve always hated the idea of smoking anything — cigarettes or pot.

Lately, because of the pandemic, his pot use has ramped up and now the house smells like weed.

I’ve told him I don’t like that smell inside our house.

He says I’m hung up on the stigma of it. Maybe so, but he’s always known I am not OK with this.

For a long time, he hid his pot use from me and was not doing it at home, but now he works from home because of the pandemic.

We have kids and I don’t want them to be OK with the idea of daily drug use.

Am I overreacting and being judgmental?

Smoked Out

Dear Smoked Out: According to the CDC, secondhand smoke from marijuana carries some of the same risks as cigarette smoke. You have the right to live in a smoke- free environment, and to maintain one for your children.

If your husband has been using pot for decades, the changing legal status of marijuana may have brought him out of the closet and into the living room.

Pot does still convey a stigma for many, no doubt inf luenced by the fact that it has been ( mis) classified as a Schedule 1 drug, along with heroin and LSD.

However, even if you are personally able to categorize marijuana with a legal drug such as alcohol, having a partner who is using it daily ( possibly during work hours) would make you wonder about the level of his impairment. If he smokes every day, vestiges of the drug are always in his system and he may always be more or less baked.

Pandemic or not, your husband should not smoke in the house or around the kids, and you have the right to insist on that. That should be nonnegotiable.

Otherwise, your husband knows you hate his smoking, and he chooses to do it. Once you can achieve a level of detachment regarding his behavior, you will be liberated from some of your anxiety about it, understanding that the only behavior you can control is your own.

Dear Amy: I work in a popular restaurant preparing takeout food. We are strict in terms of taking precautions about COVID.

But while preparing the food, the chef tastes food with his f ingers, then licks them in rapid succession.

Even without worrying about the virus, this irks me.

What can I do, since it looks like obsessive compulsive behavior? I need the job.

Turned Off

Dear Turned Off: On the f irst episode of the f irst TV cooking competition show I ever watched, the very f irst contestant was eliminated for using the same spoon to taste different dishes.

Bobby Flay says, “I always tell my cooks, ‘ If you’re not chewing in the kitchen, you’re not cooking. You’ve got to taste the food as you go.” But it is also important to use a clean implement.

You could try to interrupt this compulsive behavior by saying, “Chef, let me get you some spoons.”

Given heightened awareness of the spread of disease during the pandemic, it is vital that the owner protect the business by insisting on safe food practices. One visit from the health department could result in shutting down the restaurant.

It would be worthwhile to notify the manager/ owner of your concerns.