She caught him cheating

Dear Amy: A couple of days ago, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me.

I got into his iPad, which is connected to his messages, because I had a suspicious feeling after one of his ex- girlfriends had called him the night before. He shook it off as her wanting him back.

I found a conversation where he was clearly cheating on me. When I confronted him, he acted like he had never seen it before.

I broke up with him, but he refuses to admit he did anything wrong, even after I messaged a different ex- girlfriend ( who I f igured out he had also cheated on) and his mistress. They sent proof.

I don’t want to believe it’s real because he talked about marriage and wanting kids, and he never showed any signs of not loving me.

I still love him and want to trust him. He has enemies from his past he claimed would love to hack him and ruin his life like this — yet, there’s so much evidence.

Painful

Dear Painful: Someone can tell you he loves you, wants to marry and have kids with you — and cheat.

Some people who are unfaithful are able to own, apologize for, and rectify their mistake with their partners.

Building back trust takes time and effort.

However, from your description, your guy sounds like a serial cheater with an aptitude for drama.

You acted on your suspicions. Unfortunately, all of your fears seem to have been justified via your contact with other women.

The “my computer was hacked” excuse is a version of “the dog ate my homework.” Yes, it is possible that a dog once ate a child’s homework, and that your boyfriend’s computer was in fact hacked, but it is unlikely.

Someone who has “plenty of enemies from his past” has likely earned his reputation by lying, cheating, and gaslighting his way through relationships.

This is where you have to trust yourself. None of his behavior is your fault, but if you choose to override your judgment, that’s on you.

Dear Amy: After Thanksgiving dinner with my husband and three adult children ( and significant others), what is the protocol for clean- up duty?

The children brought food, but as I stood in the kitchen f illing the dishwasher and putting away food as everyone sat and talked, I asked myself, where did I go wrong?

I never would have sat and watched my mother in this situation.

My husband has never offered to help in the kitchen and rarely thanks me for meals, but I thought I had taught my children better.

I don’t know how to bring up this subject because I worry that I won’t be taken seriously, but I also don’t want to keep having this experience over and over.

Sad & Frustrated

Dear Sad: Maybe you helped your mother because she asked you to, until you absorbed this helpful attitude as a core value.

Holiday meals tend to be busy and chaotic as family members get caught up in conversations.

After the next holiday meal, you should sit at the table and ask one or more of your grown children: “Could you lend a hand by clearing the table and getting the dishes started? I’m going to f inish my coffee and catch my breath.” And then you patiently wait, while those around you look at each other, grumble, and ( hopefully) rise to the occasion.