Are thank-you notes out?

Dear Amy: My grandmother is a traditional Southern lady who drilled her grandchildren on the importance of a heartfelt, promptly sent thank-you note after receiving a gift or kind gesture.

I’m recovering from surgery and many people have been kind enough to bring me a meal as I recuperate. I like letting people know how their kindness has blessed me, and I usually have a note in the mail within the week, but often the response I get to my note is an uncomfortable, “You didn’t have to do that!”

It appears that this courtesy may be viewed as overly formal and may even cause embarrassment to the recipient. I’m a millennial and many of my peers don’t send these kinds of notes.

Are thank-you notes still the way to go when expressing gratitude, and if not, what is the best way to express thanks in these increasingly informal times?

Grateful Millennial

Dear Grateful: When you write to someone, a timeless experience unfolds. There is the act of writing itself, but also the “float” when the stamped message is traveling (literally, not virtually), being delivered (thank you, mail carriers!), opened and enjoyed.

The rules have not changed, the “rule” being that when people extend themselves through acts of kindness, they should be thanked.

Some people snap a photo or video and post their thank-you on social media as a public gesture of thanks. Others will text or call.

But the handwritten note remains the gold standard of gratitude-expressing.

In a semi-clunky way, your friends are acknowledging your gracious gratitude and the lovely oldschool manners that your grandmother drilled into you. You aren’t embarrassing them — you are inspiring them.

Dear Amy: I have a dear friend who is like a sister to me. We talk a couple of times a week over the phone.

I have a hearing disability in one ear that a hearing aid will not help. Therefore, I do my best to listen carefully and do not have issues with anyone other than this one friend.

She is aware of my situation. However, when we talk she is constantly doing something in the background that would be disturbing to anyone, not just a hearing-impaired person. She’s either running the water to rinse off dishes, chopping and running cooking devices such as blenders or mixers, watering plants outside, or chewing and crunching her food in my ear.

When these sound effects happen, I have to ask her to repeat herself. I can tell she gets annoyed with me, addresses my situation but says, “If I don’t do this now, I don’t know when I’ll be able to talk.”

How can I get through to her?

Phone Frustration

Dear Frustration: I have a family member with hearing loss. Time after time, I’ve felt the frustration of trying to communicate, because his comprehension seems to be sporadic.

He finally explained to me: “If there is ANY background noise, that completely takes over and I cannot hear your voice.”

Aha! You should say this to your friend, as many times as it takes. Her hearing might be fine but her comprehension seems to be faulty.