Relegated to friend zone

Dear Amy: I got divorced about a year ago after 20 years. Shortly after the divorce I started chatting with a woman who went to my high school. We’ve met quite a few times; we’ve have had coffee and lunch together, and some outdoor activities.

We have had a very good time every time we’ve met.

She warned me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship. She’s been separated from her husband (but not divorced) for two years.

I promised I would be respectful and not try to take advantage or do something against her will, but after a few months, I realized I had fallen for her, and I told her.

She replied that even though she knew what a good person I was, she had told me before she wasn’t looking for a relationship, and to just stay as we were, but that “maybe, after a seed that has been planted — who knows what can grow?”

That was five or six months ago. Things stayed the same; I had that little bit of hope, but over the last month, our communication has diminished. If I don’t reach out to her, she will not contact me. For the last few days, she’s gone quiet. She “likes” some of my social media posts, but that’s it.

I feel like she’s trying to get out of our relationship, and that her silence is the best answer. Maybe I could talk to her and let her know I will not contact her because I can’t see her just as a friend.

My heart tells me to watch and listen, since the answers are evident, but to somehow keep the faith.

What should I do?

Lovelorn

Dear Lovelorn: You’ve already done it all — and good for you. You were honest about your feelings. Your friend was honest about her intentions. She should not have dangled any promise of a future with you, but she did, and you seized upon it.

You might assume that she’s reuniting with her husband or engaging in other relationships. Don’t contact her again unless you are willing to stay in the friend zone.

I hope you will take this rookie relationship experience and apply its lessons toward your dating future.

Ask yourself: Am I always making the effort? Do I always initiate contact? Do I often feel off-kilter or unsure about this relationship?

When you meet the right person, they will find ways to signal that you two are on the same page.

Dear Amy: I am headed to college this fall. I wonder if you could give me any advice on how to choose my classes.

I want to pick classes that I like, but I have heard it is not bad to step out of your comfort zone and try something different.

I want to mostly take engineering classes but I’m also interested in marine biology. Should I stick to only classes that interest me or try new things?

Conflicted

Dear Conflicted: Many colleges require that all students take a freshman seminar, where they all study the same curriculum. This offers you an opportunity to better gauge what you want your college experience to be like.

If you ultimately decide to major in either engineering or marine biology (or both!), these fields are rigorous and will require a lot of dedicated course work.

My advice is to start out broad, and then narrow your focus as you go. Take a drama class, join an intramural team, robotics club and/or service organization.

College is the perfect place to leave your comfort zone, and I hope you will.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by email to ask amy@amydickinson.com.