Stop with ‘sweetie’ talk

Dear Amy: I am an octogenarian man, still in good physical and mental health.

I try to keep abreast of the latest news, including the #MeToo movement and the concerns over the proper and earned respect owed to women, especially regarding unwelcome and minimizing nouns of address.

My peers and I are puzzled, however, that so many women in positions of public engagement (waitpersons, sales personnel, nurses, etc.) feel free to belittle and degrade us by referring to us as “honey,” “dearie,” “sweetie,” ad nauseam.

These strangers do not speak to young or middleaged persons in this overly familiar way. Why do they feel free to embarrass and devalue seniors?

When one salesclerk asked, “May I have your credit card, sweetie?” I replied that my name was “indeed — not ‘Sweetie.’ ” I didn’t like my terse response and am asking you and your readers how to handle these unpleasant, demeaning and disrespectful situations.

Indeed, Not Sweetie

Dear Indeed: I confess to defending this practice as a friendly, “folksy” and benign greeting from women who deal with a high volume of strangers in the workday.

Then, just last week I got “Sweetied” by a woman considerably younger than I, and suddenly it didn’t seem so friendly and folksy but more like a patronizing commentary on my age.

I’m not at all comfortable declaring that this is an offensive or deliberately degrading practice, however. I assume the intention is to offer a warm greeting that is gender-neutral and easy.

If the greeting is from one with whom you might have extended contact, it would behoove you to offer a gentle correction: “I’d prefer it if you called me ‘John.’ ”

Otherwise, acknowledge to yourself that this is an annoyance that also provides an opportunity. Every time it happens, think: “I hope that this is the worst thing I have to deal with today.”

I’ll happily run suggestions from readers.

Dear Amy: I have new neighbors. I invited them over when they moved in and have tried to be friendly.

The husband, a retired engineer (now a horticulturalist), has started a huge compost heap next to where I park, so it’s the first thing people see when pulling into my driveway (invisible to him from his house).

I also have a compost pile, but it is not where anyone is obliged to look at it.

When my gardening helper mistakenly blew a few leaves onto his compost pile, he was upset, yet I am looking at rotting pumpkins, piles of sticks, bags of leaves, a huge tree stump, etc.

The neighbor’s lot is large. His offending compost pile could be elsewhere!

I don’t see anything in the covenants to cover it.

I planted non-deciduous plants between me and the compost, but I still drive by it every day! I generally talk to people nicely if I’m distressed about something but I don’t feel hopeful here. Any suggestions?

Heated Up by Compost

Dear Heated Up: If this compost pile is close to your house, it could draw scavenging animals and other pests onto your property.

You are very specific about how this offends you but unspecific about the risks of asking your neighbor if he’d be willing to move this. If he enters his own property from another direction, he might not be aware of the impact this has on you.