Ask about vaccine status
Dear Amy: Recently a couple moved to my city. My husband and I were casual friends with them some years ago.
They’re now settled into their new house and have asked us to come to dinner. However, based upon some things they have said (and not said), we believe they have not received COVID vaccines.
We are fully vaccinated but remain cautious and are uncomfortable with the idea of being in close quarters during an indoor meal with unvaccinated folks.
We feel hesitant to ask them about their vaccination status, as it seems intrusive. On the other hand, we feel strongly that those who eschew the vaccine need to be respectful of others by maintaining social distance and wearing masks.
We’ve hinted broadly about being vaccinated, such as mentioning our joy at finally being able to visit vaccinated relatives, but they’ve said nothing about their own status.
What is the polite or appropriate way to handle this?
Not Nosy, but Curious
Dear Curious: If you are nervous or unsure about others’ vaccination status you could (also) choose to wear a mask and maintain social distance.
If you want to know if people are vaccinated, ask. I believe this is a fairly common issue that will be cropping up often. In my own experience, people who are vaccinated tend to offer up this information when issuing or accepting an invitation.
You can say, “Thank you so much for the dinner invitation. We would love to see how you’ve fixed up the place. Sorry if this is awkward, but are you both vaccinated? We’re being supercautious, especially about indoor gatherings.”
This is an intrusive question, and I look forward to a time when people won’t feel compelled to ask it.
Dear Amy: I’ve come to realize that I’ve been enabling my friend “Jack” in his addiction to medication.
At first, I didn’t realize he had a problem. He claimed he had intermittent neck pain and didn’t have time to see a doctor because he’s caring for his mother, who is in very bad health.
As time went on, his requests for my medication became more and more frequent. I asked him, “If this is so serious, why don’t you have a prescription?” He says he does but it has lapsed.
After hearing that, I told him that I can’t provide my medication anymore. I told him that I realized this is an emotional time for him, and then suggested that he might be self-medicating. He said he probably was, then asked me for more. I said no.
I want to help but I don’t think I can. I feel like I’ve been a horrible friend.
Horrible Friend
Dear Friend: You are right, you should not have given your medication to anyone else. In addition to the fact that you need your medication to treat your own illness, you are not a physician and can’t prescribe an appropriate and safe medication and dosage for another person.
However, addicts tend to be persuasive and manipulative. Your friend counted on you to respond with generosity and compassion, and you did. I hope you won’t make the same mistake again. He obviously needs professional help, and making this suggestion is the most you should do.