Online match disconnects

Dear Amy: I’m a 43-yearold never-married man who was matched and connected online with a 50-year-old woman who was married for 30 years and has several children and grandchildren.

We have been texting for a couple of months but have not yet met in person.

I have scheduled several dates, and at the last minute she has had to cancel for unplanned events.

I have enjoyed our conversations, as we have a lot in common. We enjoy many of the same things. We’ve even had some really hot, flirty text sessions going. Recently, she put the brakes on.

In my pursuit to try to meet up with her, I planned a somewhat surprise visit at her workplace, which didn’t happen (I went to the wrong area). I am at a point where I don’t know what to do or what to say now.

Is it worth trying to wait until she is ready, or should I try to move on? What kind of things should I do to slow down to a pace where she is comfortable?

Stay or Go

Dear Stay or Go: Never, ever show up at a woman’s workplace. Ever.

You and this woman know each other virtually, but you two are still essentially strangers. It is a violation of the (unwritten) rules of online matching to show up at someone’s home or workplace without permission or a prearrangement.

In this situation, your online friend’s life is much more complicated than yours. Her choice to break dates and her increasing distance from you means that it is time for you to move on, because she has already done so.

It can be challenging to read another person’s cues when you are meeting virtually. This is why I always suggest meeting for a casual daytime date as soon as possible after a virtual match, when there is mutual interest to meet.

Dear Amy: My brother died and left me a substantial inheritance.

I found out when my sister-in-law, the executor, sent me a check for a smaller portion of the money, along with a letter about what a terrible human I am, outlining mistakes I made 45 years ago (as a teenager), as well as a detailed account of mistakes made by my deceased parents, my other brother and his children, etc.

Included was a separate letter for my husband detailing his mistakes, along with her comment that we are getting “what we deserve” in having to care for my in-laws at home while they suffer with advanced dementia. I did not give my husband that letter.

In order to obtain the remainder of my inheritance, I had to sign a legal document agreeing not to sue her, the estate or the law firm overseeing the process.

I am aware that my sister-in-law must be in great pain to lash out in this way.

However, I will not interact with her in any way going forward and will not be traveling to her funeral in the future, for my own well-being.

Is there anything here I am not considering fully?

Grieving

Dear Grieving: Unless there are additional legal issues to consider regarding your brother’s estate, I’d say that you’re good.

Given that your brother has died, and his widow is raging and toxic, there is no need for you to have any further contact with her. Do not respond to her letters.

I applaud your compassionate reaction. Holding this sympathy toward her will be best for everyone.