Los Angeles Times
Wrong choice on shower
Dear Amy: My son and daughter-in-law are expecting their first baby. The plans for a baby shower have been in the works for months, with an outside venue, food, desserts, decor, etc.
Everything was paid in advance by me and my daughter-in-law’s mother, “Bertie.” The night before the baby shower, Bertie tested positive for COVID-19 and had symptoms.
Bertie and my daughterin-law wanted to reschedule the shower, and from text messages it is obvious that Bertie definitely laid on a heavy guilt trip, saying: “Sandra doesn’t want to be there without her Mom, Dad and Grandma.” (Grandma also came down with COVID.)
After much thought, we decided to carry on and have the shower. My son and daughter-in-law boycotted the shower. The excuse was “they felt they weren’t welcome.” I later told my son this was a cop-out.
We offered to FaceTime with them. I even called to see if they wanted to come after everyone left to see their gifts on display. The shower was filled with our side of family and friends, including grandparents and some people who traveled from out of town.
When we dropped the gifts off at their home later that evening, my daughterin-law didn’t even acknowledge us.
Now there is talk of doing a drive-by shower with her side of the family. I feel very disrespected and hurt. Up until now, our relationship has been great. Were we wrong?
Grandma to Be
Dear Grandma: Yes, you were wrong. When this started unfolding, you should have asked your son and daughter-in-law: “What would you like us to do?” And then you should have done that.
If the expectant parents want their own baby shower to be postponed, and for a very good reason, I might add, then it should be postponed!
It would have been wisest to have drawn up a contingency plan. Instead of that, you should draw up an apology, and then deliver it.
Dear Amy: I have been cheating on my partner, “Q.” I don’t think I can be with just one person, especially because Q doesn’t offer me the best sex I have ever had.
When Q found out, they said they had known about my cheating for a while but didn’t want to break up over it. Q said it does hurt a lot, sometimes.
But Q also said that my cheating is kind of a turn-on. Q wants us to transition to radical honesty, where I describe what it was like being with someone else. Q believes this will be sexually gratifying.
I am tempted to do this, because then we can avoid breaking up (I do want to be with Q, a lot of the time) and for me to continue to sleep with others.
Maybe a part of me enjoys the thrill of cheating, and sanctioning the cheating takes that away? What do you think we should do?
Dear P: Based on your description, you and your partner seem to be sexually mismatched.
I assume you and your partner also have an emotional connection, so I suggest that maybe you should focus on that for a while, to see if there are shared qualities that connect you aside from your sexual gamesmanship.