Waiting for her true love

Dear Amy: I am in love with my best friend, “Tina,” but she is in a relationship.

Tina has been with her current boyfriend for almost five years, four of which have been long-distance, and

she’s made many comments that make it seem like she is settling for him.

They started dating in high school (they’re now college seniors), and he is the only person she’s ever dated.

She has said many times that she doesn’t want to break up with him because she’d feel like she wasted all of her college years.

All of our friends agree he should treat her better.

Tina (who is bisexual) has told me that, if she were to ever break up with her boyfriend and date a woman, I would be “her type.”

I am completely in love with Tina, but I’m conflicted on whether I should confess my feelings.

Ultimately, I just want her to be happy, even if it is with someone else. But seeing her settle, and running through all the “what ifs,” is eating me up inside.

How should I talk to Tina about her boyfriend and how he treats her? Should I tell her how I feel about her?

Hopelessly in Love

Dear Hopelessly: The heart wants what it wants, but the way you describe Tina’s choices makes me think you could do better.

Her justification to stay in a bad relationship because she’s already wasted a lot of time in the bad relationship is poorly considered. I sincerely hope that she deserves you.

Your unselfishness when it comes to her happiness, on the other hand, is the real deal.

Don’t emphasize the way Tina’s boyfriend treats her. This might force her into a defensive posture.

Keep it simple: “I want you to be happy, even if it is with someone else. But I think you’d be happier with me.”

Dear Amy: Thank you for occasionally running questions from people about their pets. I was especially moved by the question from “Sad Pet Mom,” whose dog had died prematurely from cancer. I cried when I read your response and your concluding thoughts about animal lover Betty White meeting her dogs on the other side of the “rainbow bridge.”

My own dog had a very tough death, after extended painful treatments. I wonder if I should have put him through all of that suffering, but I did not know how to let go, and now I blame myself.

I could use some words of comfort now.

Mourning

Dear Mourning: The choice you were facing is the heartbreaking reality of having a pet. If you’re lucky enough to see your animal through countless hours of joy and companionship, at some point you literally hold their life in your hands.

One Friday, I took my cat to a large teaching vet hospital for treatment. While waiting, I saw a couple with a tiny ancient dog quivering on a pillow. They were asking what treatment the dog could receive so it could survive the weekend.

My heart broke for everyone concerned. The humans just wanted two more days, but I did wonder if they could gauge the animal’s suffering against their own.

You did your best. As your dog was receiving treatment, you couldn’t know if he might recover, and he couldn’t express his own suffering in ways that you could understand.

No matter what, your pal loved you to the very end.