Her catering doesn’t cater

Dear Amy: My stepdaughter, “Serena,” and her husband, “Ned,” have two small children, ages 2 and 4. They also both have demanding, stressful jobs.

During the pandemic, in order to help out, I offered to cook dinner four nights a week for her family.

Serena very much appreciates my help and almost always enjoys what I cook— soup, chili, meatloaf, spaghetti sauce, stews, chicken enchiladas and the like. All dishes that transport easily.

The problem is that Ned does not like onions. I put onions in almost every entrée I prepare!

His mother apparently catered to this aversion and never used onions in her cooking.

I could leave out the onions in the portions I give them, but Serena wouldn’t find the dishes so palatable.

Also, their children might develop the same aversion, so omitting onions only perpetuates the problem.

To me, leaving out onions deprives this family of the opportunity to try new tastes.

Do you have any words of wisdom? BAY AREA STEPMOM COOK

Dear Cook: If this is you

“helping out,” I wonder what service you would perform if you were deliberately trying to disrespect someone.

I think it’s unkind to deliberately provide someone food containing an ingredient you know they have an adverse reaction to or don’t eat, with no option for them to remove it.

Onions can make some people ill. They tend to add a strong flavor to foods, so if you hate the taste, you can’t just eat around them.

It would be kindest to leave them out of your cooked foods — or include two versions of these dishes. Every time your son-in-law witnessed this thoughtfulness, he would think: “She remembered me!”

Is this “catering” to someone? Yes! If Serena had a similar aversion, wouldn’t you cater to it?

You don’t want someone’s aversion to control your cooking, but if you did recognize this challenge and did your best to work around it, you’d be demonstrating to this family that you are performing an act of service as a way to convey your love and respect for each of them, not just for the onion-eaters.

You should not be in charge of the palates of these children. That’s their parents’ job.

Dear Amy: I am a financially independent adult.

My parents raised me Catholic, but they know that I left the church a long time ago.

What can I do about them proselytizing to me?

Should I just ignore their texts?

Should I ask them to stop?

I left Catholicism a long time ago, and don’t care to return. GAY SON

Dear Son: To point out the obvious, you may believe that the Catholic church may have left you before you left the church.

Yes, you should ask your parents to stop proselytizing to you. Tell them that when they do this, it pushes you farther away from them.

If you have left the church but retained your Christian faith, they might be relieved if you told them this.

If they continue, yes — ignore these texts, but don’t ignore your parents. They may be afraid that they are losing you (or have already lost you), and their efforts are misguided and misapplied.