Caught in a snack debate

Dear Amy: My husband and I watch our grandsons (ages 3 and 5) twice a week.

We do this so our daughter can save on daycare.

We bring the kids two snacks. I choose a snack that is healthy, like fruit; my husband’s choice is not healthy — usually cookies.

My daughter complains to me about his choices. I have told her to talk to him. She does, and he ignores her.

He tells me that it makes him happy to give the kids something they view as a treat. Since it is only twice a week, he doesn’t think it is a big deal. He says if it is a big deal, our daughter can send the kids to daycare daily.

I see both points of view and think this issue has been blown out of proportion. I’m tired of being in the middle.

Any ideas on how to resolve this?

Snacked

Dear Snacked: If your husband didn’t ply the kids with cookies, any healthy snack delivered by Grandpa would be considered “a treat.” Kids are like that. They can happily eat broccoli trees dipped in yogurt — until Mr. Oreo comes to town.

I won’t waste your time suggesting healthy alternatives to cookies, because your husband has decided that his pleasure and esteem is so cheap that it can be obtained through being a sweets dispenser to toddlers. That’s lazy, but unless they have health issues, a few cookies won’t harm these children.

Your husband doesn’t respect his daughter’s wishes. That’s a pretty obvious power move, possibly because he wants to see himself as a loving and indulgent grandpa, versus providing daycare on a schedule.

He’s right: If your daughter does not like being disrespected, she has options.

You should hope that he doesn’t take this disrespect further, toward choices that are less benign. After all, when he was a kid, no one rode in a car seat.

You say you’re in the middle, but that’s a choice too. If your daughter complains about this, tell her to take it up with her father.

Dear Amy: My partner and I are in our mid-70s and live in a small home.

For 10 years we have had a wonderful house cleaner spend three hours every two weeks cleaning our home. She does a great job.

This Tuesday, she broke our microwave turntable and said she would replace it. I called her the next day to ask if she knew when she would be able to get it for us. She said didn’t know when and apologized.

I told her I had found a replacement online and the soonest delivery was Friday.

She said we should subtract the amount from her next check for her cleaning services. The total is over half of what we pay her.

My partner is OK with this. I’m not sure. Everyone breaks things or makes mistakes occasionally and we can absorb the cost easily.

I don’t want to lose our hardworking house cleaner.

What do you think?

J

Dear J: If in a decade of working in your home your cleaner has broken only one thing, I’d say she’s been exceedingly careful. If a guest or family member accidentally broke this microwave turntable, would you expect them to pay for it? (It sounds as if your husband would.)

The kind thing to do is to accept this as an accident, replace the item yourself and tell your cleaner that you appreciate her apology but “these things happen” and you consider it closed.