Friendship ran its course

Dear Amy: “Allie” and I became friends when our children were young. We celebrated holidays, vacationed together and shared in our joys and troubles.

Allie is ambitious, friendly and extroverted, while I am quiet and introverted. It’s natural that she has a larger circle of friends, most of whom I have also known for years. She’s likable and good at her work but very status-conscious.

I have been a supportive, discreet friend. When she went through some painful years of family estrangement, mine was her surrogate family for holidays. When she needed babysitting help, I kept her kids.

For several years, we invited (and paid for) her family to join us on vacation. She was happy to join but played on her phone and constantly texted friends at home, making plans for her return.

Last year, she asked my husband and son to mow her lawn when she was ill, which they were happy to do.

I have been left out of friend trips, parties and other events (where I knew everyone attending); I listened later while she related how much fun they’d had.

I felt hurt and upset plenty of times but I never realized how one-sided this friendship seemed until recently.

I am not a perfect friend but I have other meaningful friendships. I don’t think this one is worth more of my time, yet I am still wondering about it. I think I’m ready to move on, but why am I harboring such animosity?

A Friend

Dear Friend: I just came inside from picking daffodils in a late-season snowstorm.

It occurs to me that there are some things — and some people — worth freezing for. And friendships have their reasons and their seasons.

Friendships formed between parents when their kids are young are especially intense but vulnerable, because these relationships are forged during the crazy days of playdates and sleepovers and emergency babysitting needs.

After the kids grow up, you recognize that parenting brought you together but your kids were the glue.

You feel animosity toward Allie because in retrospect you realize she has not been a good friend.

True friends are daffodils in the snow, and they are well worth freezing for.

Now that the season for this friendship has passed, you should move on.

Dear Amy: I have a good relationship with extended family and don’t want to jeopardize it. “Brian” is 15 years old. He is smart, goodlooking and athletic.

The problem is that he picks his nose and chews with his mouth open, and his parents don’t seem to care.

I would like to take him aside and say something, but I’m hesitant. I could mention this to his mother, but surely she has noticed.

When we meet on Zoom, it’s hard to watch Brian’s gross habits. I am worried that it affects how his peers and others feel about him. Your advice?

Up the Nose

Dear Up the Nose: If you see Brian picking his nose, you can wordlessly hand him a napkin or tissue.

Even on Zoom, on camera, you can say, “Hey, somebody hand this to Brian.” Hoist a tissue toward the camera, hoping someone will take the cue and hand him a tissue on their end.

I would not take these issues to others. He’s 15. If you can’t deal with him lightheartedly and directly, then you should let it go for now.