Mad at fat-shaming friend

Dear Amy: Recently I have been out with a couple of different “gal pals” who openly and loudly ridiculed people in public who were significantly overweight or obese.

With several family members who fight weight problems, it really galls me.

In the first instance, I was so taken aback I could not reply; in the second I briefly discussed eating disorders.

My pal “Marlene” didn’t get it. “If that were me,” she said, “I would lock myself in a room until I lost the weight. That’s all he has to do.”

Please suggest how I might respond in the future; I will not sit back and listen to rude comments and lack of understanding again.

Finding the right assertive words to support people is so needed in our world where people look, speak or behave differently.

I don’t want to make enemies; I’d rather help others understand. Your ideas?

From the Heartland

Dear Heartland: People of all sizes have the right to live in their bodies and walk around in public unremarked upon. They have the right to live among other humans without being judged and sneered at.

Not all obese people have eating disorders; nor do they all hate their bodies or long to be thin.

When it comes to genius comebacks to this sort of bullying, I’m reminded of a legendary moment on the old Johnny Carson show.

Larger-than-life maverick genius film director Orson Welles was a guest, along with the famously loudmouth actor Robert Blake. Blake enters, looks Welles up and down and says: “You make Wimpy look skimpy!”

Welles immediately shoots back: “I’m fat and you’re ugly, but I can diet.”

You could say, “How about we don’t slam and shame people who are just out having their own kind of day? These comments are not a good look on you.”

Idea No. 2 (which might turn these friends into frenemies): “Maybe we should rethink who really needs to be put in the closet, Marlene.’ ”

You might inspire these women to reflect on their behavior if you say, “I don’t like to see you behaving this way. I’ve decided to go.”

Dear Amy: I am the youngest of many siblings. I found out two years ago we have a half-brother. I contacted him but never heard back.

Only two of my siblings know. One is very upset and angry (I think he just wants to protect our late father’s reputation). The other seems indifferent.

I’m very passionate about meeting our brother.

Finally, last week I reached out to his wife.

She told me that he has only a couple of weeks (perhaps a month) to live.

I believe my siblings have a right to know and decide if they want contact with him before he dies, but I’m confused about what to do.

Shortly before his own death, our father met this son and told him neither my mom nor his other kids knew about him — and he wanted to keep it that way.

Should I tell them and risk the emotional issues it will cause for them, or not tell them and deny them the knowledge of a brother? Desperate and

Confused

Dear Desperate: At this point, all of your concern should be directed toward the dying man. You should reach out to his wife, see him right away (if he wants), and offer him the option of contact with you and other siblings. Bring family photos. Deal with your siblings after.