Craving good granny time

Dear Amy: My husband, kids and I live in a different state from most of my family.

We are planning a trip to my family’s state and would like to invite my parents and grandmothers to rent a cabin for a few nights.

I don’t see my grandmothers often; they are not well enough to travel too far.

I want to be able to enjoy a wonderful and relaxing trip with them. I am worried about the amount of time I have left to spend with them.

I want to create happy memories with them, my parents and my kids. My grandmothers get along great and often spend time together.

They are both widowed but one remarried about a year ago. This man is rude and pretentious and makes everyone uncomfortable.

We all keep our feelings to ourselves and are respectful around him, but my parents and my other grandmother are not fans of this man.

I worry spending a whole weekend with him would be too much for everyone.

His presence would likely turn this relaxing family time into a weekend revolving around his lectures, narcissistic antics and drama.

Is it selfish of me to want to spend this precious time only with those who bring happiness? Would it be wrong of me to invite only my grandmother and not her condescending spouse?

How might I extend this exclusive invite? Or is there a polite and discreet way to ask he not make this trip a disagreeable one?

Happy Memories Only

Dear Happy: Your grandmother chose to marry, and when she did, the man she married entered your family.

It is not selfish of you to want “only happiness,” but no family can be guaranteed only happy experiences or happy memories. Every family must deal with the challenges presented by their reality.

I suggest that you issue this invitation to everyone, then do your best to manage this disruptive man during your weekend together.

If you establish a baseline willingness to stand up to him: (“Excuse me, ‘Steve,’ but I’d love to hear what my grandmother thinks”) you might have a better time.

Dear Amy: Our daughter’s overseas wedding was first scheduled two summers ago. Family from both sides (mostly) don’t live there, so with the borders closed, the ceremony was postponed — twice.

Now the wedding is on for July. We are now seeing that a number of guests who RSVP’d that they were coming the first two times now say they cannot make it. We will miss seeing them.

Since we already have the lovely venue paid for a specific number of guests, is it tacky to invite those who didn’t make the guest list originally to join us now?

If it is not tacky, how might we even phrase that?

Wondering About Wedding

Dear Wondering: When it comes to tacky, I take a stance that’s probably more Dolly Parton than Emily Post. I say, be authentic, be polite and — if you’re backed into a corner — be truthful!

Issue your invitations. I don’t think you need to make any reference to previous plans when you do.

If prospective guests say, “Hey, I thought you didn’t have room for me!” you can respond, “The pandemic really messed with our plans and some close family members can’t make it overseas this summer, so if you are able to join us on relatively short notice, we’d love it!”