Ex-wife took the friends

Dear Amy: I have been divorced for two years. I frequently see my two young daughters and remain on decent terms with my ex.

Several friends, dating back to college, have chosen to “side” with my ex-wife.

There was no side to take, as I believe our divorce was our business and not theirs. Some have said nothing; others have intimated that they are surprised by our divorce and do not want to be around the person (me, allegedly) who caused the failure — which of course is a classic “he said, she said.”

But I recognize that they are free to choose.

In an angry moment, I unfollowed all of these people on social media. Now I miss keeping up with their families and lives, even through a screen.

I’ve considered writing each of them an email or letter as a “mea culpa,” wishing them well and asking that we reconnect.

Is that the best course of action, or should I let sleeping dogs lie?

I’m in a new healthy relationship but I long for friends from the past, who seemed to jump ship at an uncomfortable moment for them but one when I needed them most.

Missing Friends Dear Missing Friends: These people are all thoroughly out of your life at this point. There is no downside to you reaching out.

Either they accept your bid and let you in, or they continue to respect their “unfriended” status.

It sounds as if you left the household and your wife is now the primary parent raising the children.

You are behaving like a protagonist who is now reckoning with the consequences of his choices.

Friends do choose sides, and while that seems cowardly, they often choose to identify with the parent who has the kids and the house, especially if they also have children and there is a strong social history between the families.

Your obvious frustration and defensive posture won’t help your case.

Your mea culpa might include: “This has been the toughest period of my life. The dust seems to have settled and we are in a pretty good place. I’m working on my own issues, and making progress. I find that I really miss seeing updates about your life. I’m hoping to reconnect, at least through social media.”

Dear Amy: My nephew graduates from high school this month and I have not been invited to the graduation or to their open house.

I have saved up a considerable amount of money to give to him but am now wondering if I should send it.

I never get thank-yous from him (or his parents, for that matter) for gifts I send for birthdays and holidays.

Now I’m thinking that I would rather use the money on expenses I have, but I know this will sever the very threadbare relationship I have with my brother.

He already knows the amount, so if I send less, he’ll probably call me out on it.

Frustrated Aunt

Dear Frustrated: If your brother knows the amount you’ve saved up for his son and isn’t even bothering to include you in their graduation celebrations, I’d say this family is not at all eager to receive any gift from you.

I think you should siphon off a very modest amount, slip it into a card for your nephew and consider this matter absolutely closed.

If this money is the thread your relationship is dangling on, snip it off.