Treat children equally

Dear Amy: I have two daughters and a son, all adults. I’m divorced from their father and still single 17 years after the divorce.

My girls remain in my life. The youngest, “Chloe,” is always there for me.

“Nancy,” the eldest, is like a cat toward me — she only makes time and effort for me if it’s on her terms and she is in the right mood, which is not very often.

My son, “Bradley,” completely avoids me. He never answers his phone if I call. He doesn’t respond to contact from me, his father or his older sister, but he sometimes relates with Chloe.

I’m feeling my mortality and starting to think about things like making a will.

There won’t be much money left, but there will be a few thousand dollars in a 401(k) account and some life insurance money.

Should I leave Bradley out of the will? It seems the sad, sobering thing to do, but it would be based on how he has treated me.

Since Nancy is lukewarm toward me, should I leave her one-third, and leave twothirds to Chloe, who has been the most loving child?

If I do an even three-way split, the girls, especially Chloe, will feel resentful that their “deadbeat brother” got anything at all. What do you think? Conflicted

Dear Conflicted: The daughter closest to you, Chloe, has already reaped the consequences and rewards of her behavior: She has a nice, positive, active relationship with her mother. Bradley has through his choices been denied that.

Estate planning can be complicated. It inspires some to essentially reward or punish after death.

Worrying what others may think after you’ve died should be a nonstarter.

There is no right answer to this question, but in my opinion, you should leave an equal amount to all three children who came into the world loved equally by you.

You can leave special material items to your favored daughter, or give them to her while you’re still around to enjoy the relationship.

You could also notify her ahead of time of your intentions and reasoning. Talk things through, but make the choice that feels kindest and most ethical to you.

Dear Amy: My long-term friend decided to ghost me a few months after his wife went in for a “routine heart procedure” and tragically never woke up.

He was devastated, as was everyone who knew her.

I know he has alcohol and drug problems.

The last thing he told me was he was chasing a widow with “a lot of money” and that he was done with me.

I asked, “So this is the end of our friendship?” He never responded.

Many years ago, he sent me a piece of artwork he made out of wood. Many hours of work went into this.

I don’t want it in my house anymore. I thought about donating it to Goodwill, but it’s kind of weird and I doubt they’d want it.

I thought to mail it back to him with no explanation, but is that cruel? I thought to burn it in my fireplace, but that seems hateful.

I am not angry with him, but I don’t want this piece. Wood Burned

Dear Burned: You could contact him one more time to see if he would like it returned. Keep your tone neutral; tell him you are “downsizing.” Depending on his response, Goodwill likely would want this item. I hope you choose to donate it.