Blocking is the right move

Dear Amy: I am a 32-yearold mother of three. I have a restraining order against their father after years of emotional and physical abuse endured by me and my children.

He has had no contact with us for over two years.

My ex’s mother (my children’s grandmother) recently tried to contact my daughter via text, sending her photos of her father and his new girlfriend and their daughter (she is the same age as my youngest child, so his girlfriend and I were pregnant at the same time).

I have access to see these text messages and pictures before my daughter does. I’d like your take on whether I should delete them and block their numbers, or allow my 8-year-old daughter to decide for herself.

I don’t trust anyone in their family and never received any acknowledgment of the tremendous amount of pain and suffering her son caused me and my children.

Mama Bear

Dear Mama Bear: These family members are not likely to apologize for the actions of your abuser.

If they want to try to forge a relationship with your children, however, they need to understand that you are the gatekeeper.

It sounds as if your ex or his mother might be using her ability to text your daughter as a workaround, which could violate the valid restraining order you have against her son. Doublecheck the order’s language.

Your child should not be receiving text messages from anyone without you seeing the message first.

Regardless of the status of the restraining order, if you don’t want your children to have contact with your ex’s family, it is within your rights to deny that contact across the board. You are the custodial parent. It is your responsibility to keep them safe and healthy.

If your children express a desire to have contact with these family members, you will have to use your best judgment to discern if it is in their best interests.

For now, I suggest that you block this contact, given that it was uninvited and inappropriate.

If this grandmother wants to contact any of your children, she will have to go through you. This was a little test — which you have passed. Congratulations.

Dear Amy: One of my best friends, “Jeremy,” has a garage sale every year that he and his wife get really excited about, so I went for an afternoon to hang out.

One man who came to the garage sale asked if Jeremy had any guns for sale.

When he asked, looking around, everyone was incredibly uncomfortable.

My thought was that, if Jeremy said he had no guns (I don’t know if he has guns or not), the man may break into their home, knowing they are unarmed.

I can’t imagine Jeremy is the only person that man asked. It could be the man is an honest person with no bad intentions. Please let me know your thoughts.

Steven

Dear Steven: I was surprised (and alarmed) to learn that, in most states, it is legal to buy and sell guns at a yard sale, with caveats.

Anyone who is asked should respond, “I’m not selling any guns today.” This avoids the issue of alerting any would-be criminals about an unarmed house.

There is also an ethical question here. Even the most responsible gun owner can’t guarantee the suitability or stability of a stranger.