Los Angeles Times
A little thanks would help
Dear Amy: Some time ago I gave my good friend “Cheryl” some very expensive designer clothes I thought she would like, but they were too big for her.
With my permission she showed them to a couple of other people I know, one of whom took the clothing, apparently with delight.
My friend told her that I didn’t want any money for the clothes, but she suggested a bottle of wine would be a nice thank-you.
I have seen this woman in passing many times and not one word of thanks has been given.
I have started giving her the cold shoulder, but I don’t think she notices.
It shouldn’t bother me, but it does, so I was thinking of telling her the reason I’m ignoring her. By the way, I don’t like her anyway! Should I just let it go?
Dear Down: I know you understand that when you surrendered these items, they ceased being yours.
There is a remote possibility that this recipient does not realize the clothes actually originated with you.
There is also a possibility that she sold the clothing she received, made a mint and now is sashaying through town, feeling pretty good about her choices.
You don’t seem to have a positive relationship with her, so the stakes are different than if you had a long friendship to worry about.
The next time you see her, approach her and say, “Cheryl told me she passed along some of my clothes to you. I’m wondering how they’re working out?”
Depending on how she answers, you can add: “It was hard to say goodbye to things I love. I was glad they landed in a good home, but honestly, I’m disappointed that you never acknowledged it or thanked me.”
Dear Amy: I am a 30-yearold woman, happily married to “Randy.” We are decorating our new home in preparation to start a family.
I’ve been very busy at work. My mother-in-law, “Kathleen,” offered to help with the house. I’m grateful.
However, when I got home from work last week I discovered Kathleen had decorated an entire wall of our bedroom with close to 20 photos of Randy’s life, especially from his childhood.
This includes six photos of his wedding to his ex, “Sharon” and from their life.
I acted out and called her immediately.
Am I wrong for yelling at her over the phone?
Kathleen and Sharon are still close, and I understand why she included her on the wall, but it still makes me very uncomfortable. What do you think?
Dear Furious: The only thing you did wrong here was to yell at your motherin-law on the phone. I understand your reaction, but you invited her into this task, and when dealing with a new mother-in-law, you should think first and act later, when you are calm.
In short, in the future, try not to lose it.
I don’t understand why she chose to include your husband’s first wedding pictures or photos with his ex on the wall of your bedroom. That is a strange choice.
At the least, her choice was in questionable taste. At the most, it was an aggressive maneuver.
If you’d have been more in control, you could have told her: “Kathleen, thank you for your help. I appreciate it. But the only wedding photos I’m going to display in our bedroom are my own.”