Prioritize your own health

Dear Amy: I’ve been dating a man for seven months. He is absolutely wonderful. We are talking about marriage, except that we don’t see eye-to-eye on politics.

We resolved to adopt a “we have different viewpoints but we support” rule.

Yesterday, I hesitantly asked: “Are you vaccinated against COVID?”

I was almost scared to hear his answer because I knew what it would be; sure enough, he has not been.

It is my fault for not having this conversation earlier in the relationship, because I have lupus and take immunosuppressive drugs.

I am very worried that he will end up catching the virus, and then I would catch it because we spend so much time together.

When I asked if he would get vaccinated for me, he said no, and gave me a long list of political reasons why.

How do I explain how important this is to my health?

I have five kids (all under the age of 18) from my previous marriage. With my health issues, I already worry about leaving my children behind too soon.

Should I throw away a relationship that finally makes me happy? Should I end it over political differences?

Vulnerable

Dear Vulnerable: You see this issue as somehow being about politics, but you’re the person with lupus and five children. You’re the person already worried about your life being shortened by your autoimmune disease.

So this isn’t about politics. This is about science, safety and health.

This man’s vaccination could benefit him, his colleagues, neighbors and family members. He’s already decided that he’s not willing to do that. Of course he won’t get vaccinated for you!

If he cared about your health, he would do everything possible to guard it.

Why don’t you care more about your health?

As you rightly point out, this is on you. It is hard to understand how or why you would start a new relationship during a global pandemic without asking a potential partner’s vaccination status prior to meeting.

It is an unfortunate situation, but he’s already made a choice. He’s fine with it.

Now it’s your turn.

Dear Amy: I have been friends with “Charlotte” for 35 years. Nine years ago, because we were both widowed, we agreed to rent an apartment together.

At first it was wonderful. But slowly but surely she began to criticize and correct me, especially in front of my children and friends.

I have repeatedly told her how this makes me feel, but she says I’m being a child and overreacting.

How do I get her to stop? I now can’t stand being around her in social settings.

She has even done this in front of my clients.

Is this a sign of senility, or is she being a bully?

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: This behavior could be a sign of senility, certainly if you have asked her not to belittle and correct you and she still does so.

But aside from telling her how this makes you feel, you don’t report actually asking her to stop doing it.

It might be time for you to have a serious heart-toheart — a meeting around the kitchen table where you review your living arrangement to see if it is still viable.

If you decide to continue as roommates, tell Charlotte that moving forward you expect her not to criticize you in front of others, and if she persists you will remind her publicly to stop.