No explanation necessary

Dear Amy: I no longer communicate with my remaining immediate family members. And it’s a relief.

My family is significantly dysfunctional. One of my therapists (I’ve had several over the years) said that my family was the worst she knew from any of her patients. Some things that happened in our home would have qualified for child services intervention — if anyone had known.

My mother is truly a monster who hides behind a socially acceptable exterior.

Neither my sister nor I qualify as monsters, but we were never close.

Several months ago, my partner witnessed a horrible scene involving my mother and her husband’s vicious behavior.

My partner said he’d heard and witnessed quite a lot over the years, but he’s at the point where he can’t be in their presence any longer.

He’s a calm and patient person. I knew he was done.

After the episode, my sister (who wasn’t present) stopped responding to my attempts to contact her.

I decided to have nothing more to do with any of them.

I don’t know what my sister has been told but I don’t care anymore.

I feel free. I’m convinced that never being in contact with them again is the best thing for me.

My problem is that I don’t know what to say to people who don’t know we’re estranged when they ask me how they are. What should I say if people ask about our estrangement?

So far I just say, lightly and without any drama, that I don’t want to talk about them. Do you have better suggestions?

Fancy Free

Dear Fancy Free: Congratulations on your liberation. Your family of origin seems to present genuine dangers to your own mental and emotional health.

The fact that you are so concerned about how to describe this estrangement means you’re still working through your choice.

You don’t need to explain or describe your situation. When people ask you about your family members, you can say, “I haven’t seen them in a while. Honestly I don’t know how they are.”

If people dig for reasons, you can say, “I just needed to take a break. But you should get in touch with them. I bet they’d like to hear from you.”

Dear Amy: I was diagnosed with cancer six months ago. I’m in treatment. Many people near and far know this. (Fewer know about my slow recovery after a recent bout with COVID.)

My job was eliminated during the pandemic, but some friends, relatives and former co-workers have not said a single word to me during this time. Others were supportive at first but have been quiet in recent months.

Is it ever OK to express my hurt, particularly to family members I’ve listened to in the past? I’m really disgusted at this point.

Sick and Tired

Dear Sick: It is always OK to tell people how you feel, as long as you don’t attach expectations to their response.

But before expressing your disgust or disappointment, ask for what you want: “I’m still really struggling through my cancer treatment and could use some support. Can you take me to my next chemo treatment?”

The American Cancer Society (cancer.org ) has a database of support groups.

Other people going through this could commiserate and provide emotional support and advice.