He wants to win her over

Dear Amy: I lost my wife to cancer over 10 years ago. I was devastated.

Later that year, I met the new love of my life, “Laura.”

Two years ago, I moved in with Laura and her adopted daughter, “Maura.”

It took Maura a few years to warm up to me even a bit.

Now the three of us live together. She’s tolerant of me, but I’m frustrated that she won’t let me be closer.

Laura and I are semi-retired; Maura is an adult (40s) and only works when she feels like it, which is fine. We are all self-sufficient. When the three of us are together, Maura will engage with me, but whenever I am alone in the house with her, she avoids me entirely.

I have gone to great lengths to gain her trust and to let her be her own person, but I am saddened that she only interacts with me as if to please her mother.

Her mother has questioned Maura to see if there is anything she finds upsetting about me, but she won’t answer.

Laura adopted Maura at a very young age and raised her as a single parent.

She didn’t know her birth parents, so Laura is the only parent she has ever known.

Laura is a wonderful, outgoing, kind, caring person, but Maura can seem so aloof. Why won’t she let me in? Saddened

Dear Saddened: The way I read your narrative, Maura was raised by a single mother, has always lived with her and has no other family — and possibly few personal connections outside of the household.

Now, as she approaches middle age, her mother brings in someone new.

This is bound to create uncertainty. Your presence reminds her of her vulnerability. She may not understand there is an advantage for her to form an independent friendship with you.

If she behaves well toward you for her mother’s sake, I’d say it’s a start.

You should behave kindly and consistently toward her. You could attempt to communicate an awareness that your presence presented a huge life change for her and that you appreciate her efforts to make room for you.

You and Laura could also create some inclusive family rituals: Game night, movie night or joining a club together could provide some more common ground.

If she is an introvert who values being alone, respect her need for quiet.

It is also possible that she just doesn’t like you. If so, accept her politeness.

Dear Amy: My best friend and I have been in political agreement for 30 years. However, he has started watching a politically biased broadcast and has fallen into a rabbit hole.

I enjoy his company, and we have agreed to disagree. At times we discuss our differences in healthy conversations, but I find myself obsessing over his conversion.

I know some couples living together with opposing views. How do they do it?

Stop Obsessing

Dear Stop: Couples who manage to have peaceful relationships even with opposing political views do this by recognizing every citizen’s right to think what they want to think, express their views peacefully and change their minds if they want to.

If your pal is obsessed with some conspiracy-fueled nonsense that is overtaking his conversation, you might want to reevaluate the relationship. However, you are the one with the obsession. He might be rethinking the relationship with you.