Hop off the anxiety cycle

Dear Amy: I like my current job a lot, but recently I’ve been struggling.

My work is very stressful, and it is extremely important to work efficiently and to be well-organized.

I work very hard for 10 hours a day. I usually leave work feeling like I’ve gotten everything done.

Recently, however, I’ve been receiving emails from my supervisor pointing out small things I’ve done wrong during my shift.

It could be misdating paperwork or leaving papers on my bench when I leave for the day. These things don’t happen often, but absolutely every time, I get an email.

It really hurts me to be nitpicked like this, especially when others are not.

I know I can’t control what happens to others or how my supervisor chooses to handle my errors, but I would like to handle my reaction better. The smallest criticism sends me into a spiral of self-doubt and overwhelming sadness.

I become paranoid that I’m about to be fired, which sends me into another spiral about my financial stability. I become withdrawn. This downturn in my mood can last a shift, a week or longer.

I’ve left several jobs because of my anxiety, only to learn I was never in any danger of losing my job and that my work was appreciated.

I’ve been at this job seven years, but each new criticism pulls me closer to handing in my resignation. How can I overcome this?

Can’t Handle

Critiques

Dear Can’t Handle: You have ample evidence that your anxiety is a bigger problem than your occasional minor workplace errors.

In the short term, seek your supervisor’s feedback. You could start with this statement: “I hate making errors, even when they’re small ones. When I get a notification about a mistake, I worry a lot about my job performance.” Most likely, your supervisor will reassure you that these notifications are strictly for your information.

Because your anxiety has caused you substantial discomfort and negative consequences, your longer-term goal should be to seek treatment. You should also find ways to interrupt your cycle of negative rumination. Try are breathing exercises and mindfulness techniques.

Because your mind amplifies your errors, take an objective look at these corrections. How many did you get this week? Let’s say two.

Two errors in 50 hours of labor is proportionally tiny.

Dear Amy: I have been married for several decades. We have children together.

He has been cheating on me with a young co-worker.

I am disappointed that he has not confessed about his cheating and acts like nothing happened.

I would work on forgiving him if he showed some sort of remorse, but he is constantly hiding it.

It makes me want to abruptly hand him divorce papers and walk away!

I find myself shutting down and growing more distant from him. Help!

Betrayed Wife

Dear Betrayed: It’s time for you to bring in the professionals. You could see a therapist, in order to review your personal options and discuss your feelings. You could review your legal and financial options with a lawyer.

One reason to do this is to take your thinking in a new direction, away from your husband, who refuses to communicate with you, and toward contemplating your own options with clarity.