Frozen between two jobs

Dear Amy: For years I have wanted to switch companies for a different position. The company I was interested in approached me out of the blue and offered me a great job. After several meetings and detailing all the particulars, I gave notice to my current employer; while they were extremely disappointed, they wished me well.

Once I was scheduled to begin the new position, I froze and was overcome with anxiety. Most of it was the regret of hurting the employer who had been very nice to me, and the fear of having to learn all different systems, which felt overwhelming.

I told the new company I needed to put off my start date by a couple of months (which they were fine with) and told my current employers I would stay while I thought things through.

They were thrilled and have done everything to make my job better. I am beyond grateful to both companies for handling this so well, and I am happy to not be forced to choose until I am ready.

I am now overcome with shame, embarrassment and just feel like a dope.

Eventually I will want to try out this new position, but I fear that when I am ready it is going to be even harder to leave the old company since they are now pulling out all the stops to make me happy!

I feel so foolish for not seizing a great opportunity and want to be fair to both, but I’m not sure how to make the move later when I’m having such a hard time now.

Mortified

Dear Mortified: If the new company had refused your request to delay your start, you’d have adjusted to all the frightening changes by now.

The generous options these companies have allowed you to pursue seem to have paralyzed you.

Now you must make a decision. I can’t tell you what decision to make, but you have to make one.

If you leave, you may regret it. If you stay, you might also have regrets.

It’s OK to stumble a bit. It’s OK to pursue an opportunity but then change your mind. But you’ve turned what should be a transactional experience into an emotionally fraught one.

Decide what is best for you — not these employers. Make your choice, notify them and commit to that choice. If you end up declining to move, thank the new company sincerely for its patience and tell them the old company has made staying put the best choice for you.

Dear Amy: I have a brother and sister-in-law who brag incessantly about their two brilliant, gorgeous, talented granddaughters.

That alone would be annoying, but at the same time they are critical of my grandkids, who are, of course, brilliant, gorgeous and talented.

The last time we spoke, my sister-in-law said that her granddaughter is a genius. I could only comment that this was spoken as a true grandmother. But she asserted that no, it’s true.

I have many friends with grandchildren. Occasionally we relate a story about them that makes us proud — but we don’t gloat or brag.

Am I just lucky, or is bragging the norm?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: Some people seem to only relate to others through asserting superiority. The ubiquity of social media has inflated this tendency. So yes, bragging has become the norm.

Your brother and SIL get to brag about their grands, but they may not critique yours. Nip that in the bud.