Party people not welcome

Dear Amy: My husband and I have lived in our neighborhood for 10 years. We’re friendly and neighborly.

One house has always been a “trouble” house. Loud arguments are heard, the SWAT team showed up to arrest an adult son (yikes), neighbors accuse the kids of stealing tools from their shed, and recently police were there again, with reports of gunshots fired.

Last summer, we hosted a backyard party and set up a bar in our basement.

The mother from that house came by, uninvited.

Not wanting to be rude, we welcomed her. She then brought in her son and his girlfriend, who ensconced themselves at our bar.

They all seemed friendly enough, but when the guests were leaving, they asked to stay. I said: “Last call.” They wanted to stay longer, offered to help clean up, tour the house, use the bathroom (they live a block away!).

I finally got them to leave with to-go drinks.

They have already asked me once, in passing, if we will host again.

I don’t have a good feeling about them in our home.

Should I host and, if they show up, say “private party”?

I don’t want to be friends, but we are neighbors. Help! Hospitality Has Limits

Dear Limits: If these neighbors ask if you are planning to hold a party — any party — you should say, “Nope. No plans.”

And then you should host any party you want to host.

If these people show up, greet them outside the entrance with a friendly “Hi, I can’t talk right now because I’ve got some guests here.”

If they try to invite themselves in, you’ll have to be friendly but firm; tell them it’s a private party and that you’ll catch up another time.

Dear Amy: About six months ago, I had to place my husband of 64 years into assisted living, due to mental and physical decline.

He has adjusted very well. I visit him every day.

I have adjusted to my new life alone. I am fortunate to have caring, friendly neighbors and friends. But there is one problem that greatly bothers and disturbs me.

Of our married friends, few have even called since the beginning of all this.

My best friend, whom I have known for more than 50 years, has never visited me, rarely calls and only once invited me over for coffee.

I feel I have been abandoned by my closest friends when I need them the most.

What have I done? Am I a threat to them? If so, why?

I have heard from widowed friends that the same thing happened to them.

I realize that I have to make new friends, and I do. I am active in church and community activities, but I am disappointed in my “old and true forever-friends.”

Searching

Dear Searching: It sounds as if you have adjusted very well to this huge life change. It’s a shame that you have to do so without the company of your closest friends.

You have done nothing wrong. I also don’t believe that you are a “threat” to your friends. Your situation, however, is threatening. For some, it’s a tender reminder of the possibility of challenging times ahead.

You might try to be a little more proactive with these friends. You could ask if they would visit your husband with you and then have lunch together afterward.

Talk frankly with your bestie — say you miss her and hope your friendship can weather this change.