Moon over meditation

Dear Amy: I recently joined a meditation group that has sessions both inperson and online.

During an online session, I put a note in the chat saying that everyone could go and look at the full moon after the session.

The group leader became irate. He said aloud to the group that I was distracting and that no one should read what was in the chat.

If he did not want it, he could have disabled the chat function in Zoom.

At the end of the meeting, I told everyone that I hoped they enjoyed looking at the full moon and signed off.

The teacher contacted me after the session and said that I had been disruptive. I had not. Nonetheless, he suggested I find another group.

I live in a small town and there is no other group. (I do have a weekly online group with a different teacher.)

Before this, I privately asked him to stop saying unkind things about his ex-girlfriend behind her back on a public newsletter distributed to his subscribers. I think that request might have made him bristle toward me.

I had hoped to make friends there. Do you have any suggestions?

Stargazer

Dear Stargazer: When there is a leader who has organized and is offering what sounds like a guided meditation, participants should not weigh in verbally or textually unless invited.

Using the online “chat” function, you made a benign comment directed to the group, but if you had made this comment verbally during an in-person class, the group leader would likely have asked you not to speak.

He likely simply forgot to disable the chat function.

After being corrected during class, you decided to again interject a thought to the group before signing off.

You don’t seem to want to meditate. You want to communicate. There’s nothing wrong with that, unless you are trying to do so during a group meditation.

Your leader might be retaliating for a previous incident, but it’s his group. He can run it however he wants.

It’s a shame that you don’t have any other groups to join — except that (according to you) you do.

Drawing your own boundaries — and respecting others’ — is a vital element in friendship-building. This sounds like something you should meditate on.

Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for 22 years. We met at 28 and married at 30. Ours is her first marriage and my second.

We have had a great life raising our two daughters in a wonderful community. Both girls are attending universities and doing very well.

I was married very briefly right out of college. We dated throughout college, but the marriage lasted only 18 months. The divorce was clean and easy.

My wife thinks I should share this previous relationship with my daughters.

I believe it has no impact on any of our lives today, so it is unnecessary to share. What do you think?

Wondering

Dear Wondering: I don’t see this as momentous news, but it is information your daughters will find intriguing. (Dad has a past!) They likely will be curious to know more, and then will move on.

This previous marriage does have an impact on your life today. Surely you learned, grew and changed as a result of it. And having been through a divorce, you have likely made choices to avoid repeating that.