He’s against her girls’ trip

Dear Amy: I’m married, in my mid-60s, now retired.

My divorced sister invited me on a “girls’ trip” to hike the Scottish Highlands.

We live on opposite coasts and do not see each other often.

When I told my husband about the trip, he gave me major pushback. Some of his objections are:

1. I would be spending our money on a vacation just for myself. (We are not rich, but this would be affordable.)

2. As a married woman, I should reserve my travels for my husband.

3. This will only lead to other trips without him.

4. He does not “believe” in girls’ trips.

He is very controlling. He would make my life miserable if I accepted this invitation, so I turned it down. More upsetting: Instead of being happy I’m getting this opportunity, he is resentful and obstructionist.

He did say he’ll only agree if he comes along, despite the fact that he has never wanted to do a trip like this!

Am I in need of counseling? We have been married for 30 years and have had our ups and downs.

Stuck Sister

Dear Stuck: Girls’ trips and guys’ trips are not articles of faith to “believe in.” These sojourns, which range from afternoon hikes or rounds of golf to overseas excursions, can provide a way to reconnect with family or friends without the pressure of performing for — or entertaining — partners or kids.

And — big bonus — many people return from these trips renewed and very happy to see their partners.

Many happily-together couples leave space for one another to take occasional trips like this, budgeting their funds accordingly.

It is ironic that your husband is insisting on going with you, all while demonstrating that he is probably the last person you would want to go anywhere with.

Yes, this will lead to you taking other trips without him — in your case, to the office of a counselor or lawyer.

This episode has revealed your husband’s deep insecurity, expressed in his effort to repress, manipulate and control you.

Dear Amy: More than 10 years ago I left an emotionally abusive relationship.

He threatened my life and took several thousand dollars as “payment” for the emotional turmoil he said I’d caused him, and as an assurance that he would never contact me again.

I have managed to avoid him for the better part of 12 years, until the past few months when he has begun to accept invitations from a mutual friend with whom I’ve held a close relationship.

The friend is aware of our past relationship but not the circumstances.

Due to my embarrassment at letting myself be treated so poorly, I’ve told almost no one the details.

Now I’m torn whether to tell this friend that I can’t attend group events with this person. I don’t want to give up the friendship, or dictate who someone else may invite to their own home, but I can’t stomach being in the presence of this abuser. Should I say something?

Torn

Dear Torn: Yes, you should say something — to the police. Theft/extortion is a serious crime. And isn’t he close to violating your nocontact deal by inching closer to your social circle?

You should make it clear to your friend that you will not be in the same room with your ex. Ask to be told if he is included in an invitation.