Share the wealth, not wills

Dear Amy: Neither my wife nor I came from money. But thanks to a lot of hard work, good choices and luck, our kids will come into money.

Both of our kids are grown, married to terrific partners, and on good career paths. My wife and I are in our late 60s and in good health, and we’re thinking about giving them a full picture of the extent of the potential estate when we’re all together at the holidays.

Is there any reason not to do that? We trust them and their spouses completely.

If so, how much information should we give? Should we give them specific dollar amounts for each account? Provide all account numbers? Should we provide copies of our wills?

There’s no mystery to our wills. My wife and I each leave our estate to the other upon either of our deaths, and the remainder equally to each child once the surviving spouse dies. The amount is substantial now and likely to be more as time goes on.

I could see updating the information yearly so they know where things stand.

I don’t see any reason to have any mystery. I’d like to make it simple for them to sort things out when the time comes. Plus, it would help in their own financial planning.

What do you think? Doting Dad

Dear Doting: My opinion is that you should keep your specific financial affairs private until you have the qualified counsel of your financial planner and choose an executor (possibly one or both children, or a younger friend, niece or nephew).

I think it is important for you to let your children know that you and your wife are doing well financially, that your wills are drawn up, and that they will inherit equally. I don’t think it’s necessary for them to see your wills.

You should consider ways to disperse some of your estate before you die, perhaps through buying or helping them to buy homes, and establishing college funds for their children.

If you decide to disclose the particulars, do not share bank and investment account numbers with them.

Let your kids and executor know where documents are located (keep these updated with all passwords included) and make sure they can contact your lawyer and investment adviser.

Medical directives and power-of-attorney decisions also are important components of this discussion.

Dear Amy: As I drove around on Election Day, I thought: What if we took down every sign and personal political flag, no matter the outcome of elections?

If we all did not know how others voted, I think we’d all get along better, and we wouldn’t feel bad about people every time we saw the hat he/she wore, the flag hanging on their garage or the huge sign on their truck.

I used to be friendly to everyone I’d meet. Now I avoid those people who advertise views that are different from mine.

Political divisiveness is ruining everything. Let’s go back to only advertising our politics for a few weeks before each election!

Tired of Knowing

Dear Tired: You have your own part to play (we all do) in maintaining the peaceful, pluralistic society citizens want to enjoy.

Casting your vote, advocating for your candidates or causes, and greeting others with an attitude of openness and curiosity — or at least tolerance — are all more powerful and long-lasting than a yard sign.