Happily seeking closure

Dear Amy: Fifty years ago, my heart was broken — shattered, actually — when my first real love ghosted me after an intense two years (including living together) that had all the hallmarks of Happily-Ever-After.

When a year later I was still broken and mourning to a degree I felt was unhealthy, I gathered my wits, sold my possessions and left town by joining the Air Force.

And from that one choice my life changed, gradually but all for the better.

I’m retired after a complex and gratifying life that’s included world travel, several more years of higher education, a satisfying teaching career and, last but not least, 34 years with the right person, the love of my life and the best, most supportive, complementary partner I could have asked for.

My question: I know how to contact Mr. Long-ago and keep finding myself wanting to reach out one time (NOT take up extended contact) to thank him for setting all that in motion and say that I hope his life has been equally fulfilling.

Is this an imprudent idea that should be squelched, or would it be nice, acceptable closure to a 50-year-old heartbreak?

Questioning Closure

Dear Questioning: Would contacting Mr. Long-ago wrap things up nicely for you, or might this open the lid to a box that contains 50 years of questions and emotions? Might it trigger latent longing for Mr. Long-ago? I don’t know.

I do know that the life you are describing — complicated, expansive, graced by a long-lasting love with the right person — is the essence of Happily-Ever-After. Good for you!

It’s an important and very human impulse to try to pull together the skeins of your life, as long as you prepare for the variables. Mr. Long-ago might continue to ghost you. He might question your motives and resent the encroachment. His memory of these long-ago events might be radically different from yours.

Or (as happened to me in a similar situation), a sincere apology might be offered and accepted, and you part company with a deep appreciation for your own emotional history.

I wonder what your partner thinks you should do? I suggest you share this dilemma, solicit your partner’s reaction and counsel, and — if you decide to go ahead — keep your message brief, simple and sincere.

Dear Amy: People have been asking you how long is too long to wait to send a letter of condolence.

I lost my 25-year-old daughter almost 30 years ago.

This past April I received a five-page anonymous letter from a guy who went to school with her.

From his memories he obviously had a crush on her.

I cried the entire time I was reading the letter, not because it made me sad but because even after all this time she is not forgotten and someone still thinks of her.

I have kept the letter and pull it out from time to time and reread it.

Thank you to the person who sent the letter. If you have a letter to send, no matter how long it’s been, do it! Grateful Mom

Dear Mom: This is a beautiful testimony to the power of a letter to unleash memories and lift up a life.

This inspires me to suggest a project for the new year: Write a letter telling the story of a person from your past who is gone but will never be forgotten, and send that letter to their survivors.