Dress code out of bounds

Dear Amy: My husband’s sister is getting married in a year. She is requiring all of the mothers at her wedding to wear a specific color and style of dress.

I am not in the wedding so I assumed that as a guest I would be able to pick out my own appropriate dress. However, I was recently told by my mother-in-law (her mother) that the bride also wanted me and the other two sisters-in-law to wear the same color and style of dress as “the mothers.”

I was surprised, since I’ve never heard of a bride requiring people who weren’t in the wedding to buy a specific color and style of dress.

I have seven weddings to attend next year so I was going to buy a couple of new dresses and rewear them, since different groups will be at different weddings.

This now requires me to buy a specific type of dress I would not usually buy. I understand this when I’m a bridesmaid, but I have no such role in this wedding.

This comes off as really controlling to me and has not made me feel great because the way I was informed was strange (my mother-inlaw mentioned it to me multiple times in one day).

I got married this past year and did not dictate what any in-laws or mothers had to wear to our wedding. Is this an unusual ask? Sorry Sister-in-Law

Dear Sorry: Keep in mind that anyone can ask anything. And yes, it does seem that brides (and/or their moms) are increasingly asking/expecting/demanding that their guests wear a specific color and style of clothing to the wedding — as if their guests are some sort of bridal pep squad.

You married into this family very recently. Your mother-in-law passed along this dictate to you.

The first thing you should do is to personally ask the bride to explain this request. What exactly is she asking, and why?

The second thing you should do is to say no. You can promise to dress appropriately but sit in the back — or skip the photos (if that’s the bride’s focus).

If you did manage to say no, countless guests would want to hoist you onto their shoulders and parade you through the reception hall.

I’ve researched this issue on various well-known wedding sites, and I am sorry to report that brides are being coached on their “right” to make this sort of demand.

To quote wonderful Miss

Manners: Wedding guests “are people, not props.”

Dear Amy: During the holidays, my husband and I met a new neighbor at a holiday party. We exchanged information and decided we’d get together for lunch in the near future.

I got a text from this neighbor yesterday, asking my husband and me over for “cocktails and snacks.” We decided on a day and time. She then told us to bring whatever we want to drink — she’ll supply the appetizers.

My husband thinks this is rude. I think it’s weird. Your thoughts?

Bringing Our Own

Dear Bringing: How rude or weird this is might depend on where you’re from. In some communities, BYOB is not considered too far outside the norm.

This host might have worded her request a little differently — for instance, “I don’t serve alcohol, but you’re more than welcome to bring your own. I’ll have seltzer and iced tea on hand.”

As you get to know her, her attitude toward entertaining will be revealed.