Alarmed by his drug use

Dear Amy: I believe that my 45-year-old husband is having a midlife crisis, abusing drugs, cheating — or possibly all three. We have been married for 15 years.

He has done meth, weed and huffing, which devastated me.

He begged me not to divorce him. I stuck by his side, and he seemed to improve.

Lately, however, he has displayed erratic behavior, control, anger, paranoia, sleeping issues, anxiety and ADHD tendencies.

He has installed cameras on the front and back of our house — and much more.

He also is seeking a second part-time job for the weekends, so he doesn’t have to see me at all.

I really am beside myself. I want to go talk to his mom but feel that may be a bad idea because, though I know she loves me, he’s her son.

I lately fear a bit for my life. I’m scared.

I have brought up divorce twice; let’s say it didn’t go well. He calls me horrible, disrespectful names.

He wouldn’t be where he is without me — financially and otherwise.

I feel disrespected and very hurt.

Does he need counseling?

Hopeless, Tired Wife

Dear Hopeless: It sounds as if your husband needs rehab. And you need to leave this relationship safely.

Most people understand that some drugs can make users paranoid. Some of those same drugs can actually cause psychosis.

Or your husband is abusive, controlling and increasingly paranoid without the use of drugs.

At the risk of alarming you, I must at least alert you to the need to strategize about how to leave this relationship safely. Change all the passwords on your phone and computers. Use a prepaid phone (or a friend’s) to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800799-SAFE (7233), or check thehotline.org from a safe computer. A counselor can help you make a safety plan.

It’s vital for you to talk this through with supportive friends or family.

I don’t think it’s wise for you to discuss this with your mother-in-law, however. She may sincerely love you, but she may also pressure you to stay in an unsafe situation for her son’s sake.

Dear Amy:

My son got married seven months ago. It was their decision to have only immediate family attend (eight guests).

They expected no gifts or acknowledgment from other family or friends.

I, however, have had a difficult time understanding why two of my three siblings have not wished them well with even a card.

They know the wedding took place and that it was a small affair. And yet this was their nephew and godson.

I’ve thought about bringing this up, letting them know how much it hurt me.

And yet to what gain, since an acknowledgment now would be forced?

I thought as time went on I would get over it, yet obviously I haven’t. Your advice?

Mother of the Groom

Dear Mother: Your siblings might have congratulated the couple in person, via phone or through a social media posting or message.

Are you certain they have done none of these things?

Because this continues to weigh on you, ask your siblings about it. Tell them, “I know the wedding was very small and private, but I hope you’ve taken the opportunity to congratulate them.”

And after this prompting, you should let it go.