Los Angeles Times

Social media surprises

- Email questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickins­on.com.

Dear Amy: My husband’s job requires that he be active on social media. His primary account contains mostly work-related content, but he also uses it to direct people to some personal writing and photograph­y. He has several thousand followers.

I am not active on social media for my own valid reasons, and I understand that my husband can manage his own choices. I have asked him not to post personal informatio­n about me, but he still shares more informatio­n than I would like.

When my mother died, he posted a “tribute” to her on his blog and promoted it on all his accounts. He included lots of personal details, including her maiden and married names.

A few days ago, he forwarded to me an email from a man who had read his blog. The man said his genealogic­al research had determined that his grandmothe­r and my mother were half-sisters. He asked if our family was aware of this and invited someone to contact him for more informatio­n.

My grandparen­ts were very candid about their past and never indicated that they were hiding a secret.

I know my husband never intended for this to happen, but I resent that he put me in this situation by ignoring my request for privacy.

I have no interest in pursuing this, but other family members might want to. Should I share this?

I’m very upset and don’t know what to do.


Dear Bereaved: People who are more public with their social media sharing should respect the privacy of others in their lives ,who have the right to control their own personal or private informatio­n.

Your husband should have shown you his tribute to your late mother before posting it to his followers.

The reason he did not run this past you is because he didn’t want you to weigh in or to edit him. His writer’s ego was running the show.

All the same, the informatio­n you object to his sharing would be published in a death announceme­nt in the newspaper, on the funeral home’s website, in an obituary or in online tributes.

Someone linking their family to yours through their own genealogic­al research does not make it a fact.

Because this contact came through your husband and you’re not interested in following up, you could leave the decision to him on whether to forward it to your other family members.

If they also object to his oversharin­g, he should hear it from them and face the consequenc­es of his choice.

Dear Amy: I have a fear of driving with most of my friends. These women tend to speed at 80 to 90 mph in the passing lane of our interstate highways.

Where we live, the speed limit is 70 mph.

They assure me they know what they are doing, and that they are aware of their surroundin­gs.

I don’t want to ride with them for fear of ending up as roadkill.

Am I being ridiculous?

A Nervous Passenger

Dear Nervous: Being “ridiculous” and safe is better than being a passenger in a car crash.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administra­tion (nhtsa.gov) says: ”For more than two decades, speeding has been involved in approximat­ely one-third of all motor vehicle fatalities. In 2020, speeding was a contributi­ng factor in 29% of all traffic fatalities.”

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