Dress code is a downer

Dear Amy: I’m a sixthgrade girl in middle school, and I love your column.

I finally started to become confident, but something that happened a few days ago struck me down.

I got dress-coded by my teacher because I wore a shirt that had cutouts on the shoulders.

We can’t wear cropped shirts or shirts with spaghetti straps. This was just a no-shoulder shirt.

My teacher pulled me aside and said, “You can’t wear that.” I was confused. She then stated all the things she noticed about my outfit, like she had been watching me. I felt so embarrassed and self-conscious.

I started researching dress codes and realized how sexist they are. Dress codes only attack girls and sexualize what we wear.

It makes kids feel ashamed of their bodies and skin, and it makes them get made fun of.

I want to write a letter to the principal. I just want to know before I do — am I in the right or should I simply leave the dress code alone because the dress code is doing what it should?

I have never seen a boy get dress-coded for wearing “inappropriate clothing.”

Dress-coded

Dear Dress-coded: Being called out like this by your teacher was tough for you.

I think your response is completely appropriate.

Dress codes are designed for a very good reason. The overall intention from a group of adults is to design a way for children to be less distracted by their wardrobes so they can focus on their education.

One good thing dress codes do is they help take the pressure off of kids who might not have the resources to dress in trendy styles. The code sets a basic standard, and kids should respect the standards their school has set.

Some schools mandate uniforms. This sidesteps the issue of putting school staff in the position of gazing at students and judging their wardrobe choices.

You are correct that these rules are often enforced on girls more than boys. Sometimes kids who wear their hair in twists or braids (or other ways that are appropriate to their race or culture) also are “coded.”

I respect that you transformed your embarrassment over this into action.

Yes, you should write a letter to the principal, expressing your thoughts and bringing up the good points you’ve raised.

Dear Amy: You published my question signed “Looking for Love.” It seems to have generated a number of responses and considerable speculation about my situation.

It is 7 p.m. I just returned from the store. I went at the request of my wife, who asked that I get her wine, a dessert and Benadryl.

What would be reasonable to expect in return? A hug? No. A kiss? No. A thank you? Well, sure. I did get a thank you. But isn’t it reasonable to expect something more than the kind of thank you that a stranger might get for holding the door open?

Still Looking

Dear Looking: Your sadness and frustration is evident. You are being starved of affection, and it hurts, deeply. You should express all the same to your wife.

I received some great and timeless advice from a longmarried friend: Always treat your spouse with the same enthusiasm and affection you show your most treasured friend.