Fear for pregnant smoker

Dear Amy: I am a waitress. One of my co-workers is six months pregnant.

Every time she takes a break, she goes out back and smokes cigarettes. Sometimes she smokes weed.

She has been smoking ever since I started here, four months ago.

I’m a mind-your-ownbusiness kind of person, but I have witnessed a family member suffer from asthma.

I know that smoking while pregnant increases the chance of the baby having breathing problems.

I know that my co-worker goes to the doctor for prenatal care, but every time she takes a break, my heart sinks and I feel guilty.

Should I say something to her? If so, what can I say?

Worried

Dear Worried: Your coworker is likely under a lot of stress. She is working at a low-wage, physically demanding job while pregnant.

It is common knowledge that smoking is bad for one’s health and that smoking while pregnant could negatively affect the unborn baby’s health. If your coworker is seeing her doctor regularly for prenatal visits, this will have been emphasized many times.

No one should smoke weed while working or while pregnant.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (samhsa.gov): ”No amount of marijuana has been proven safe to use during pregnancy or while breastfeeding. In 2018, the American Academy of Pediatrics released its first official guidelines, advising women who are pregnant or nursing to avoid marijuana use because it isn’t safe for them or their children.”

I think you could have the greatest influence on your co-worker by getting to know her and by trying to discourage her from ingesting pot. Be nonjudgmental and compassionate. Ask if she’s told her doctor about her pot use.

Dear Amy: My older brother and I have always had a difficult relationship.

One day before our 52nd wedding anniversary, my wife died.

I called my sister and asked if she could inform our brother of my wife’s death.

He has had nothing to do with me for over 15 years. I do not have his address or phone number, or even know what state he is living in.

My sister did relay the news to him.

In the two months since my wife’s death, I’ve received letters and cards from friends all over the world.

There has been nothing from my brother or his family.

Was I asking too much of him to at least acknowledge my wife’s death?

Devastated Brother

Dear Devastated:

I’m so sorry you have experienced this very tough loss.

Your brother’s choice not to express his condolences seems to be taking up more space than the many expressions of sympathy you’ve received from others.

If this continues to eat away at you, you could get your brother’s contact information from your sister and reach out to him.

Do you want to try to forge a path toward communication now? If so, then you should say so, plainly — expressing your thoughts and feelings in writing.

I want to add a strong caution: You cannot pull someone to the table if they don’t want to come. Your brother may not have the emotional tools to accept any bid you extend. You may have to accept this loss.