Social media’s awful side
Dear Amy: I’ve met a great guy. We’ve gone out on six dates, and I am taking things very slowly.
This is my first time going out with someone in the seven years since my divorce.
The real reason I’m taking things slowly is because a person with a vendetta has made fake social media accounts to harass me.
It’s all over the internet, but all of these postings and references are under my old married name.
I am working to officially change my name back to my birth surname, and have tried to contact the internet sites, to no avail.
I’d love it if my new guy never found out about it, and so far I don’t think he has.
Getting my old name back should solve some of my problems, as you have to dig deeper to uncover slanderous information. It won’t surface in a quick search.
Should I tell him about this, or wait until we are in an exclusive relationship?
I am afraid to tell him now, as the relationship is still new. I hope that once he knows me better, it will have less of an impact.
On the Fence
Dear On the Fence: I suggest waiting until you are more confident about burying this online harassment.
If you disclose this now, the man you’re dating might (out of curiosity) look up these fake accounts and inadvertently make things worse for you by sharing, commenting or attempting to fix this for you. Any traction at all on social media accounts can kick-start the algorithm and push the material out to more readers.
The person who created these accounts could also become aware of this and renew this vendetta.
I hope you are seeking legal and law enforcement advice about further action.
Dear Amy: My 62-year-old brother just announced that he’s in a long-term relationship with a 26-year-old.
His children (29, 32, 36) have known about her for two years, have been in family therapy, and still do not accept her in their lives. My brother has been divorced for years and has a history of dating very young women.
My parents, in their 80s, don’t know what to do. They feel the age difference is wrong and are suspicious of the young woman’s motives.
My brother recently showed up at their house and left this woman sitting in the car while he visited our parents; when my mother discovered this, she went out and gave her a hug because she felt sorry for her.
We are all at a loss as to how to handle this situation.
Should we accept her and pretend it’s not creepy? Or should we continue to refuse to accept her into the family?
No-Fun Dysfunction
Dear No-Fun: It is illuminating that — as rude as your brother was to keep his partner waiting in the car — your mother was both polite and kind to her.
No wonder your mother is suspicious of this young woman’s motives. Only someone with a powerful ulterior motive (or very low self-esteem) would put up with that level of rudeness from a long-term partner.
Yet I suggest you behave as your mother did. Behave in a polite and kind way. Do not pass judgment. Do not banish this woman in order to punish your brother.
None of you need to “do” or handle anything.
You don’t need to understand your brother’s behavior, or his girlfriend’s. I guess I’m saying you should accept your brother’s partner and pretend it’s not creepy.