She ‘quiet quit’ on father

Dear Amy: I have seen fundamental changes in relationships. One change is a reduction in work ambition. Some people choose “quiet quitting” — to do as little as possible yet keep their job.

My daughter has quietly quit her relationship with me. She seems happy to see me when we get together (rarely) and there is always a “love you” — but that’s it.

Her mother and I got divorced 15 years ago when my kids were teens. They lived with her full-time. I know she does her best to poison their relationship with me.

My daughter and her husband never contact me or offer to get together, even though I live nearby. She and her husband had Easter dinner with her mother, but she didn’t even bother to give me a “Happy Easter” phone call.

She had her mother give her away at her wedding, though she and her fiancé visited me to get a check for half the wedding cost.

I have chosen to write her out of my will, and I will not leave any money to her new child. I will leave it all to my son. I will have millions of dollars in my estate. As I take my last breaths, I will enjoy knowing how shocked she and her husband will be when my will is read.

Dad in Name Only

Dear Dad: Your daughter seems happy to see you when she sees you. She tells you she loves you.

To me, this sounds like a relationship that has some strains at the seams but also room for growth.

If your ex has poisoned your daughter toward you, then can’t you hold some compassion toward her? You seem to be blaming her for a dynamic created by her mother’s behavior during an important and emotionally formative time in a teen’s life.

You could tell your daughter that you are sorry she and her brother endured a tough divorce. You could tell her you’d like to build a better relationship with her. You could express that you feel wounded because you would like to be closer, but you’re not sure how to go about it. You could ask if she is willing to try.

Your attitude toward your grandchild is misplaced. What has this baby ever done to you?

Your rage is not healthy. To point out the obvious: You seem to be the quitter here.

Dear Amy: I have a friend who is my age (late 50s). She has grown children and a good career, but since her divorce has not had a long-term happy relationship. She is on all the dating sites and dates frequently.

I don’t choose to date right now. I am lucky to be content on my own.

I don’t want to hear all the news around this topic — it doesn’t interest me.

How do I set a boundary about this?

R

Dear R: All of us are called upon to be tolerant about topics that don’t interest us.

If your friend’s nattering exceeds your limit, you should try to be polite but blunt: “I know this is important to you, but I also know that you have a lot more going on than your dating life. Can we switch topics?”