Friendship or just a scam?

Dear Amy: My husband and I stumbled into an awesome friendship last year around the holidays, when we met “Chelsea.” ( We are all middle- aged.)

As the friendship progressed we traded gifts or small favors.

Then we came to learn that Chelsea is still living at home with her aging parents, and while she works full- time, she’s always broke.

She asked to send her Amazon packages to our home ( claiming she lives in a high- traffic area and doesn’t want them stolen), but we were uncomfortable after she did this more than once.

We believe she’s trying to hide her purchases from her parents, as she obviously has out- of- control spending that led to her living with them in the first place.

Recently her mother became ill, resulting in a lengthy hospital stay. Chelsea missed work.

We were kind enough to wire funds to her for food or incidentals but then I saw her post on Facebook about how broke she is and how she never gets help when she asks for it. She said she can’t catch a break.

We’ve also been made to feel bad when we couldn’t contribute more to her “sick parents fund.”

Why is it up to her friends to bail her out? Weren’t we kind enough? Unappreciated in Ohio

Dear Unappreciated:

Some of Chelsea’s behaviors are typical of people running scams. Classic “tells” are befriending someone very quickly, establishing a transactional relationship, asking for favors, then cash — and increasing the pressure. ( You shouldn’t have wired money for food. If you believed she needed food, you could have given groceries.)

I’m not saying that she is deliberately running a scam, but the effect is the same: You give, she takes, she asks for more and then piles on the pressure.

I suggest you cut ties with her, in person and online.

Dear Amy: I am a single man and live near my parents and siblings.

We’re pretty close, except that we have very different beliefs and styles.

There are constant birthdays, holidays, family celebrations, etc.

My parents also have a lake house, and they constantly invite me to stay there over weekends — even though I remind them each time that I work weekends.

In spring/ summer, it seems like there are one or two family events per week, and I get burned out. I wish I could attend one per month.

If I say I don’t want to come to an event, they get upset and repeatedly ask me to show up. It’s a battle. I’m 37 but feel 17. How can I get out of these family events without moving far away? Is lying acceptable here? I could say I have to work. Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: It sounds as if lying might not be effective, given that you tell your folks you work on weekends and they don’t believe you, forget or just want to make you feel included.

You have the right to conduct your social life the way you want to. Tell your family, “I appreciate how close we are, but I get overwhelmed by the number of get- togethers. When I say ‘ no’ to an invitation, please don’t take it personally, and please don’t pressure me about it. I simply get burned out. I really need you to respect this.”

If moving away is necessary for your sense of autonomy and independence, then you should consider it.